Puns
Video game company names always make me make puns I didn't intend to.
What did the explorer say when he got tired?
I'm gonna take a map.
Diarrhea.
A skeleton walks into a bar and said it takes "backbone" to mess with me, and if you try to insult me, I have thick skin.
My grades.
Dad: 🦆
Kid: ?
Dad: 🦆🦆
Kid: Huh?
Dad: Ur too late...
Kid: WHAT!
Dad: .... GOOSE!
Are you a lightbulb, cuz you brighten up my day?
Tiresome is the quantification of tire.
Yeah, not too bad at all, really.
We were at a restaurant today, and my dad was talking about a place called Sea Ranch.
I asked, "What do they raise there? Sea horses?"
I was going to walk to Verizon, but I decided to Sprint over to T-Mobile instead.
The other day I lost all my crayons.
I just wish I had a shoulder to cray on.
I went outside to catch some dog, but I mist.
What was the movie about the dog called?
The woof of Wall Street.
Why is a sweet potato casserole so sweet? Because it's so sweet to eat!
Did you hear about the cannibal that came home late?
His wife gave him the cold shoulder.
How do you plan a party in space? You have to planet.
What's the difference between broccoli & boogers?
People don't eat their broccoli.
BOB: Wanna know a joke?
LILLY: What? Your hat?
BOB: No, my life :'(
What do you call a squirrel with wings? A flying squirrel, it's pretty self-explanatory.