Puns
I told my friend to watch Naruto. It's been a week since I've seen him. Hope he comes back in one piece.
If you got a bowling ball and you stuck it on top of a sack of potatoes, what would you get?
A "retiree."
I aced my poker test...
My teacher asked me to reflect on my work, so I got a mirror...
A caffeinated vampire goes to sleep in a coffin...
Do you get my puns? No, because you can't seem to get a grasp on how bad they are...
I knead bread.
My eggcellent egg yolks crack everyone up.
If you don't like them, you're just hard boiled.
What do you call a guy with a sandwich?
A guy with a sandwich.
Have you heard of the man who got all his left side chopped off?
He was all right.
Once I had a cat. The cat liked human beverages.
One day I decided to throw a party. The cat went over to get some soda. There was a line. I told him that he needed to wait in line. The line was too long for the cat. Then he walked to the punch bowl. He saw that there was no punch line. Very much like this joke.
My mom told me she couldn't open the garage door. Then it opened up to me that it wasn't broke anymore.
You guys have very baaaaaaa-d puns!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Water.
Water who?
Water you waiting for, just let me in!
Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.
One knight, a king, and a queen went fishing. They each caught one fish, so how did three fish end up in the bucket?
One "knight"!!!
What do you call someone with a pindie spot?
Stop screen recording.
"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.
What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?
"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"
What happened when the gun dealer found his pistol in his shoe?
He found that he had a piece in his sole!
Are you a raisin? Because you’re raisin' my dick.
My friend had no school because of heavy snow. Guess you could say it was a snow school day!
My friend wasn't laughing at my jokes, so I said, "Is your funny bone broken?" But he got mad, and then I said, "Do you have a bone to pick with me?" He tried to insult me, but I said, "Call me what you want, I got thick skin," and this story was down to the bone.