Puns
We were at a restaurant today, and my dad was talking about a place called Sea Ranch.
I asked, "What do they raise there? Sea horses?"
I was going to walk to Verizon, but I decided to Sprint over to T-Mobile instead.
Did you hear about the cannibal that came home late?
His wife gave him the cold shoulder.
What was the movie about the dog called?
The woof of Wall Street.
Dad: 🦆
Kid: ?
Dad: 🦆🦆
Kid: Huh?
Dad: Ur too late...
Kid: WHAT!
Dad: .... GOOSE!
Are you a lightbulb, cuz you brighten up my day?
Tiresome is the quantification of tire.
I went outside to catch some dog, but I mist.
How do you plan a party in space? You have to planet.
My grades.
The other day I lost all my crayons.
I just wish I had a shoulder to cray on.
A skeleton walks into a bar and said it takes "backbone" to mess with me, and if you try to insult me, I have thick skin.
BOB: Wanna know a joke?
LILLY: What? Your hat?
BOB: No, my life :'(
What's the difference between broccoli & boogers?
People don't eat their broccoli.
What do you call a squirrel with wings? A flying squirrel, it's pretty self-explanatory.
Guys, I'm sorry about these bad puns. I should've kept my big Meowth shut.
"Koalafications" are irr-elephant.
I was hitting my hand, and my mom asked me what I was doing. I said I'm beating my meat.
"Can I tell you a paper joke?" I said, "But it is pretty terrible."
Why did Marx never drink Earl Grey?
Because proper tea is theft.