Puns
What activity do nuns and whores have in common?
Answer: Genuflection.
I went to the shops yesterday. I bought roast chicken, eggs, and duck. The cashier read $45.99. It was an egg-cellent price!
Why is it poetic when they have plenty of those German sandals in the store? Because they're Birkenstock.
Pineapple goes on pizza.
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
I have a skeleTON of jokes, but none of them are very humorous.
Mayonnaise marry me?
If you park your tow truck on the footpath, it'll get towed.
What do you call it when a watch has too many belts?
A waist of your time.
Boy: Have you heard of the cool kid who just told us he had autism?
Teacher: What?
Boy: Well... never mind, he's well supported.
Where do you go if you lost a pencil?
Office Works! They have solved loads of pencil cases.
Have you heard of the new book about anti-gravity?
Well, I just can't seem to put it down.
Question: "You're-a-American" when you're not in the restroom and when you come out of the restroom. What are you when you're in the restroom?
Answer: European (You're-a-peein')
Bread?
My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.
I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.
In Australia, my jokes are high koala-ty.
What is your true crush?
A soda crush.
Getting a book on pasta?
Yes. Just imagine the pastabilities there are!
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was running away from Kernel Sanders.
Hehehe
Breaking News! A plane crashes into a bridge.