Puns
Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.
Petal
I can change a "t" into a "p," just drink it and wait a few hours.
Teacher to Student: You are supposed to be here at 9 am!
Student: Oh, did I miss anything?
I need to go to the tailor, or so it seams.
I went to the shops yesterday. I bought roast chicken, eggs, and duck. The cashier read $45.99. It was an egg-cellent price!
Why is it poetic when they have plenty of those German sandals in the store? Because they're Birkenstock.
Pineapple goes on pizza.
Mayonnaise marry me?
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
I have a skeleTON of jokes, but none of them are very humorous.
What do you call it when a watch has too many belts?
A waist of your time.
If you park your tow truck on the footpath, it'll get towed.
Boy: Have you heard of the cool kid who just told us he had autism?
Teacher: What?
Boy: Well... never mind, he's well supported.
My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.
I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.
Bread?
Where do you go if you lost a pencil?
Office Works! They have solved loads of pencil cases.
Question: "You're-a-American" when you're not in the restroom and when you come out of the restroom. What are you when you're in the restroom?
Answer: European (You're-a-peein')
Have you heard of the new book about anti-gravity?
Well, I just can't seem to put it down.
In Australia, my jokes are high koala-ty.