Puns

I went to the shops yesterday. I bought roast chicken, eggs, and duck. The cashier read $45.99. It was an egg-cellent price!

Why is it poetic when they have plenty of those German sandals in the store? Because they're Birkenstock.

Pineapple goes on pizza.

I have a skeleTON of jokes, but none of them are very humorous.

What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.

Mayonnaise marry me?

What do you call it when a watch has too many belts?

A waist of your time.

If you park your tow truck on the footpath, it'll get towed.

Boy: Have you heard of the cool kid who just told us he had autism?

Teacher: What?

Boy: Well... never mind, he's well supported.

My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.

I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.

Question: "You're-a-American" when you're not in the restroom and when you come out of the restroom. What are you when you're in the restroom?

Answer: European (You're-a-peein')

Have you heard of the new book about anti-gravity?

Well, I just can't seem to put it down.

Where do you go if you lost a pencil?

Office Works! They have solved loads of pencil cases.

Bread?

In Australia, my jokes are high koala-ty.

Did you hear about the guy who made knock-knock jokes? He won the Nobel Prize.

Which category is glory in?

Cats.

A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"

You are American when you walk into the bathroom, and you are American when you walk out.

But do you know what you are when you're in the bathroom? European.

Roses are red, violets are violet.