Puns

What is a wasp called?

A wannabe.

I carried a magnet, then people found me very attracting.

Hey, guess what I got for my birthday.

No, what did you get? Older.

I just got a taste of Kingston, Ontario's only transgender restaurant: 664 Bath. A Dairy Queen who used to be a Burger King.

I went to the shops yesterday. I bought roast chicken, eggs, and duck. The cashier read $45.99. It was an egg-cellent price!

Why is it poetic when they have plenty of those German sandals in the store? Because they're Birkenstock.

Pineapple goes on pizza.

What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.

Mayonnaise marry me?

I have a skeleTON of jokes, but none of them are very humorous.

What do you call it when a watch has too many belts?

A waist of your time.

If you park your tow truck on the footpath, it'll get towed.

Boy: Have you heard of the cool kid who just told us he had autism?

Teacher: What?

Boy: Well... never mind, he's well supported.

Have you heard of the new book about anti-gravity?

Well, I just can't seem to put it down.

Bread?

Where do you go if you lost a pencil?

Office Works! They have solved loads of pencil cases.

Question: "You're-a-American" when you're not in the restroom and when you come out of the restroom. What are you when you're in the restroom?

Answer: European (You're-a-peein')

My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.

I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.

In Australia, my jokes are high koala-ty.

What is your true crush?

A soda crush.