Puns

Someone asked me if I was a good sleeper. I told them I'm so good that I can do it with my eyes closed.

What language do they speak in the middle of the earth?

CORE-ean

You are about to hear the funniest joke ever.

My life.

Why don't bulls play archery? They might hit a bulls-eye.

Is your body from McDonald's, because I'm loving it?

Why did Iran, ran?

Iran said, "I ran away!"

What did Pennywise become after LEAVING the circus? Ex-IT.

This is 15 first-year treating a swan.

Students return: "Without payment?"

The word "I die with many important problems."

Later, you answer this point: "DSD, rats?"

There’s a noticeable difference between using polish to remove grease and using Polish to remove Greece.

What activity do nuns and whores have in common?

Answer: Genuflection.

What do you say when Jack's late to sex ed?

"Aye-jack-you-late!"

What is King Kong for dinner?

Humans.

What is your favorite amendment? A rapper.

If you got a bowling ball and you stuck it on top of a sack of potatoes, what would you get?

A "retiree."

What's black and white and red all over?

The darkness of your heart, the dishonor of your lies, and the embarrassment you feel when busted for both.

Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.

Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.

My mom was telling me about different pastas. So many pastabilities!

I taught my dog how to play the trumpet on the London Underground over the weekend.

He went from Barking to Tooting in just under 20 minutes.

Oh dear, I made a backwards ray. Let's test it. I made a backwards ray, let's test it oh.

As the car crashed, someone said, "I see a light!"