Puns
What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?
The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.
Two magicians were in a competition. The first one did magic, and the second started counting down, "3, 2," but before he said the last number, he 1.
What did the lungs say to the cigar?
"You take my breath away..."
Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.
All real chemists know that alcohol is always a solution.
I did this chemistry joke yesterday, but I didn't get a reaction.
What do you call a house with dog hair?
A shed.
Why did the blind man fall down the well?
He couldn't see that well.
I almost secretly married a watermelon, but I cantaloupe.
Someone stole my toilet, and the police have nothing to go on.
Q: What happens when a pig plays tug-of-war?
A: Pulled pork.
What does a house wear?
A dress.
When the chair was invented, the inventor's friend wanted to know what it did. The inventor replied: "You might want to sit down for this."
Why did the gym close down? -- It just didn't work out.
What is the most popular fish in the ocean? "A starfish."
What did the shoe say to the other shoe?
Nothing, it was tied up in another conversation.
I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.
It was soda-pressing.
"Doctor, I'm shrinking!"
"Well, you'll just have to be a little patient."
Where are average things manufactured?
The satisfactory!
What is the longest word in the English Dictionary? "Smiles," because there is a mile between the first letter and the last.
I used to work at a T-shirt factory before the company folded.