Puns

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

It might take a while for me to get hard because I just got laid last night.

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

You look for the fresh prints.

I want to thank all the sidewalks out there for keeping me off the street.

I broke my arm yesterday. My bro said it is Arm-ageddon, and I still don’t know why.

If your boyfriend doesn't get your fruit puns, you got to let that mango.

I was kidnapped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.

Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun."

Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?"

Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?"

Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."

Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?"

Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."

If a dog made a computer, it would have a mega bite.

I had a dog with an eating disorder.

He wouldn’t eat any of my homework.

What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?

I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!

Butter believe it.

Why was the man running around his bed?

Because he needed to catch up on his sleep!

What has 4 legs and two gloves?

All five people on my baseball team. ⚾️

When we were visiting the Hoover Dam, I started to get a bit hungry. I asked my parents, "Where's the dam snack bar?"

What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"

Why was the staircase so sad?

Because everyone walks on them.

What would the Mandalorian be called if it was made in an aquatic center?

Mandachlorian.

Impossible? I’m very possible, really!

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.

My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."