Puns

What do you call a retreat in war?

A backup plan.

I never knew how to use a boomerang, until it hit me.

Why does Santa have three gardens?

So he can Hoe Hoe Hoe!

I used to be a banker but I lost interest.

Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She always ran away from the ball.

Why can’t bikes stand? Because they are two tired (Too tired).

I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.

I found a lot of matches.

Why did the roster cross the road twice?

To prove it was not a chicken.

Two men walk into a bar. You'd think the second one would've seen it.

Once there was this Whichdoctor. He walked barefoot most of the time, which gave him impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, and the food gave him bad breath, which made him (wait for it) a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed By Halitosis.

What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"

What is the longest word in the English Dictionary? "Smiles," because there is a mile between the first letter and the last.

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger, then it hit me.

I wanted to tell an animal joke but it's irrelephant.

How much work does a skeleton get done?

A SKELE-TON!

What do you say when you see a pig making bread?

He's bacon.

If I look after chickens, does that make me a chicken tender?

What did the bull say to the bullfighter?

What's the "matador?"

Why did the coffee file a police report? -- Because it was mugged.

I searched up hornets and then said that it will leave a sting.

My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.

What is a wasp called?

A wannabe.