Puns
If you were on the Titanic and you didn't leave the ship, what would you do? Just let that sink in.
My friends say they don’t like my skeleton puns.
I should put a little more backbone into them.
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? -- A waist of time.
I've never worn my gay sweater, it hasn't come out of the closet yet.
I thought my wife was joking when she said she was gonna leave me because I wouldn’t stop singing “I'm a believer,” but then I saw her face.
what did the banana say to the banana?
"u look a-pealing"
New Teslas don't come with a new car smell; they come with an Elon Musk.
Why can't skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
You take care of chickens. Does that make you a chicken tender?
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
Q: Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?
A: So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!
When we were visiting the Hoover Dam, I started to get a bit hungry. I asked my parents, "Where's the dam snack bar?"
What did the math book say to the other math book?
Wanna hear my problems?
I wrote down a speech at home yesterday.
When I got to school, I was speechless.
I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice. I called it "cold hard cash."
The furniture store keeps calling me back... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.
Why did the strawberry cry? -- Because his mother was in a jam.
I used to be a banker but I lost interest.
Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She always ran away from the ball.
Why can’t bikes stand? Because they are two tired (Too tired).
Why did the skeleton not rob the bank?
He did not have the guts!