Puns
Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So, they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.
I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.
Why did the coffee file a police report? -- Because it was mugged.
What did the math book say to the other math book? Wanna hear my problems?
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
Boo.
"Boo who?"
It's just a joke, no need to cry!
You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore? They are a total rip off.
How much work does a skeleton get done?
A SKELE-TON!
My brother couldn’t wait for fall, so I tripped him.
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
What does a spy do when he's cold?
He goes under cover.
What do you call a spice with a PHD?
Dr. Pepper
Wow! That whiteboard is remarkable!
A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."
I wanted to tell an animal joke but it's irrelephant.
I love the way the Earth rotates.
It really makes my day!
What do you call an Irish man that breaks up fights?
Liam Malone.
What do you call it when a midget waves at you?
A microwave.
What did one needle say to the other?
"You be looking sharp!"