Puns
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
One day, a leaf asks Mom, "Mom, why am I named Leaf?"
Mom says, "Because when you were a baby, a leaf fell on your head."
The next day, Feather asks Mom, "Mommy, why am I named Feather?"
Mom says, "When you were a baby, a feather fell on your head."
The next day, Brick asks Mom, "Rhsisvrkanx!"
Mom says, "Shut up, Brick!"
The cashier kicked me out because when he asked for 99 cents, I gave him 99 scents.
Why didn't anyone react when the king farted? -- It was a noble gas.
I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
What kind of music do wind turbines like?
They are big, heavy metal fans!
Where do T. Rexes shop? Dino-stores.
What do you call an act of “funny” discipline? A PUN-ishment!
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the “shell” station.
What’s a bird’s favorite movie?
The Parrots of the Caribbean.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles' elbow.
What happened to the egg after it went on the rollercoaster?
It was scrambled.
A policeman just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous! My dogs don’t even own bikes!
This Fairy Tail shirt is only $9.99! Guess you can say that's a fair retail.
How did I escape from Iraq, Iran?
"Déjà moo": The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
If your sister steps on your toe, what will you call it?
There's a movie about constipation. It hasn't come out yet.
Knock knock. Who's there? Hal. Hal who? Hal will you know if you don't open the door?
I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.