Puns

I searched up hornets and then said that it will leave a sting.

Sup?

I told a seal a joke, it went like this: "Why did the kid cross the playground?" He said, "Why?" I said, "To get to the other slide." And then he said, "That's the sealiest thing I've ever heard!"

What do you call a Mongolian swindler?

A Khan artist.

Your mom, bro! XD Roasted! Lmfaoooooooooo!

The vampire was kept awake all night because of his wife's coughin' (coffin...coughin'...get it?)

You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore?

They are a total rip off.

What happened when the teacher tied all the students' shoe laces together?

They took a class trip.

Question: What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?

Answer: Damn!

I just watched a program about beavers. It was the worst dam program I've ever seen.

I told you ten puns to make you laugh, and I do not pun in-ten-did.

Why did the pony have to gargle? Maybe because he was feeling a little hoarse.

If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner. There's usually 90 degrees.

I've always wanted to WAVE to a dolphin, but it could never SEA me.

That dolphin is so WASHED up. WATER you say we get revenge?

What do you call a 100-year-old frog?

An old croak!

Question: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?

Answer: Because they taste funny!

GRAVEYARD SAVINGS:

While leafing through our local newspaper, I noticed this classified ad: “For sale: one used tombstone. Splendid opportunity for a family named Dingle.”

When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”

He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”

At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.

On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.

“Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.