Puns

A missionary was caught by cannibals. He was tied up and thrown into a big pot. The cannibals were chopping up vegetables and throwing them into the pot with the missionary. When they lit the fire under the pot, the missionary said, "You can't stew me. I'm a friar."

Why was the man running around his bed?

Because he needed to catch up on his sleep!

What is the slipperiest county?

Greece!

What does Mickey's wife drive?

A Minnie-Van!

Teacher: "Stand up, class!"

She is sitting down.

Teacher: "Whoever stands up is stupid!"

Samuel liked Batman when he was a kid.

He still is a kid.

Are we supposed to submit jokes?

This website.

Also, how did Trump's wall let this website in?

I have a really good joke.

Do you want to hear it?

Oh wait, this is a bad joke website.

I have a joke about construction.

I'm still working on it.

What did the math acorn say when it grew up?

"Gee-I'm-a-tree."

I smell up dog in here.

"What's up, dog?"

Nothing much, how about you?

I called my dog 5 miles.

Today, I fawn over my miles.

There was a news story the other day where a magician disappeared. He was like "At the count of 3 I will disappear aight...Uno, Dos," and he disappeared without a trace.

Why can't dinosaurs talk?

'Cause they're dead.

Why did the toilet paper cross the road?

It was on a roll.

My friend told me she had a good joke and it beat all mine. I said, "Haha, that is funny!"

Are you peeling well?

I just busted a nut. A ginger nut.

I wanna tell you guys a joke about a broken pencil...

But it’s quite pointless.

Why do people laugh at mountains?

Because they're HILLarious!