Puns
Wood-fired pizza.
How would pizza get a job now?
A guy saw a person with a duck and said, "Where did you get a pig?"
The owner replied, "It's not a pig, dummy!"
The random guy said, "I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to the duck."
If I look after chickens, does that make me a chicken tender?
Hey, you know those birds and lizards that feast on decaying flesh?
Oh, sorry, I shouldn't carrion about it.
What do you call a dinosaur that likes subtraction?
A galiminus.
Why did piglet go to the bathroom?
To search for Poo.
Why doesn't my egg want to crack?
Because I hate my egg-sistence.
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A dog talks to another dog and says,
"Wow, you're a hot dog!"
"Time"? More like waiting.
What side of the sidewalk do crazy people walk on? The psych-o-path.
What do you call a short person that goes to school?
A Sammie.
What do you call a stick with a string on the end of it?
A fishing pole.
Bob: Kanye West.
Dad: No, but I can East.
I've never worn my gay sweater, it hasn't come out of the closet yet.
Scree.
My friend and I joined a french fry eating contest, but I just couldn't ketchup. So we switched to cheeseburgers, but I still couldn't mustard up the speed to lettuce win. I mayo not have thought this through.
So we switched to fruits, but when it got to the watermelons, I started to feel a little green. My friend couldn't seed the point of us continuing anymore. I just couldn't digest the stress, I guess! :D
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
How many fingers does the Dragonborn have?
Four fingers and a Thu'um.
I asked a Japanese chef how to make a good bowl of ramen, he said "Let me show you."