Puns
If trees could kill you, they wood.
What did Tennessee do?
The same thing Arkansas did.
What's better than roses on a piano?
Tulips on an organ.
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree.
Simba was walking too slow so I told him to Mufasa.
Why did the blind man fall down the well?
He couldn't see that well.
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
What is a physicist's favorite food?
Fission chips.
Why did Marx never drink Earl Grey?
Because proper tea is theft.
What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?
A vowel movement.
My life.
I was asked to give a bicycle joke, but I couldn't...
I was two tired.
What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?
I feel like a kid again.
What do you call a Chinese billionaire?
Cha Ching.
My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."
A prisoner was told how he'll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw.
Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.
What happens at night in Bangladesh?
It gets Dhaka.