Puns
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
What is a physicist's favorite food?
Fission chips.
Why did Marx never drink Earl Grey?
Because proper tea is theft.
What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?
A vowel movement.
My life.
I was asked to give a bicycle joke, but I couldn't...
I was two tired.
What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?
I feel like a kid again.
What do you call a Chinese billionaire?
Cha Ching.
My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."
A prisoner was told how he'll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw.
Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.
What happens at night in Bangladesh?
It gets Dhaka.
Where did the cat go when it lost its tail? -- To the retail store!
Why did the library book go to the doctor?
It needed to be checked out.
What animal is best at hitting a baseball? -- A bat.
What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? -- A bi-polar-bear.
Why did the strawberry cry? -- Because his mother was in a jam.
What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? -- "Make it sew."