What did the beach say as the tide came in?
Long time, no sea.
Puns
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat miner.
How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?
Wave.
No matter how much I love cake...
I would never dessert you.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.
What do you call a person that inherits a lot of money?
A millionheir.
Where did the sheep get a haircut?
At the baa-baa shop.
Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages?
Because there were too many knights.
Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book?
It's called "One More Thyme."
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
What do you call a fish with no eye?
Fsh.
My bank loves me. They told me my credit card balance is outstanding.
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
Why didn't anyone care about the circus?
Because it was irr-elephant.
