Puns
Where do kittens go on a field trip?
The meowseum.
The thing I don't like about shopping centers...
When you see one, you've seen a mall.
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar.
It was tense.
Why doesn't Jesus buy beer?
Hebrews.
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.
How did Jesus like his chicken?
Crucifried.
Jokes about menstruation are not funny. Period.
Confucius say:
"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day."
What did the beach say as the tide came in?
Long time, no sea.
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat miner.
How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?
Wave.
No matter how much I love cake...
I would never dessert you.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.
What do you call a person that inherits a lot of money?
A millionheir.
Where did the sheep get a haircut?
At the baa-baa shop.
Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages?
Because there were too many knights.
Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book?
It's called "One More Thyme."
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.