Puns
There were two peanuts walking down an alley. One was assaulted.
What do you say to a pig with no nose? You have n'ought a snout!
What's the fastest cake? Scone!
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
An irrel-elephant ;)
You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish!
There was a Mexican magician. He was going to disappear on the count of three.
1-2-..... and he left without a trace.
I forgot my lucky egg! It always gives me an eggcellent amount of luck!
Smaller babies may be delivered by a stork, but bigger ones need a crane.
What do you call a mouse that doesn't like being known about?
Anonymouse.
I am up in the air about becoming a pilot.
I met a rock the other day. He was a very gneiss guy.
One time, I bought a magnet. My wife asked why I bought it. I said I couldn't help myself; I felt attracted to it.
What's the difference between broccoli & boogers?
People don't eat their broccoli.
Why was the chef embarrassed?
He saw the salad dressing.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
"SUPPLIES!"
Guys, I'm sorry about these bad puns. I should've kept my big Meowth shut.
Where do Dairy Queen and Burger King go after dinner?
White Castle.
I would tell you a joke about pizza,
but it's too cheesy.
I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a fret.
What do you call a pile of cats? A MEOW-tain.