Puns
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
Why did the chef flip a pancake? Because he was a tosser.
To the people who have seen "Meet The Fockers" at the movies and they hated it, Fock You, Motherfockers!
What do you call someone that illegally transports cups? - A s-mug-gler.
Why do ballerinas wear tutus?
The one-ones are too small and the three-threes are too big.
Why did the picture go to jail?
Cause it was framed!
How many wives does Santa have?
Ho Ho Ho!
What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.
What do you call a cow jumping over barbed wire? Utter destruction.
If there was someone selling drugs around here, we'd know.
Why was the Human Torch arrested?
He had firearms.
I tried to think of how lighting works.
Then it struck me!
I hate stairs, they're always up to something.
"Can I tell you a paper joke?" I said, "But it is pretty terrible."
What does a skeleton say when it has a lot of stuff?
"I have a skele-TON of stuff to do."
What did the salad say to pineapple?
"Lettuce be friends."
What do you call a patronizing criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
Why is 1026 afraid of 1028?
Because 1028 1029.
What do you call a steak that tastes bad?
A MISsteak.
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.