Puns
How many wives does Santa have?
Ho Ho Ho!
What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.
What do you call a cow jumping over barbed wire? Utter destruction.
If there was someone selling drugs around here, we'd know.
Why was the Human Torch arrested?
He had firearms.
I tried to think of how lighting works.
Then it struck me!
I hate stairs, they're always up to something.
"Can I tell you a paper joke?" I said, "But it is pretty terrible."
What does a skeleton say when it has a lot of stuff?
"I have a skele-TON of stuff to do."
What did the salad say to pineapple?
"Lettuce be friends."
What do you call a patronizing criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
Why is 1026 afraid of 1028?
Because 1028 1029.
What do you call a steak that tastes bad?
A MISsteak.
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.
A man named Icide ruined my life. I asked a friend if he would help me sue him. He said yes. But for some reason, he killed me.
All I wanted was for someone to help me sue Icide...
Why couldn’t the kitten watch the movie? It had a violent cat-e-gory.
What did the clock say when it got punched at noon?
It’s twelve o'clock.
I used to have a friend who worked at a car shop who liked hunting.
I’m not friends with him anymore because he turned my dog into a car-pet.
What did Pennywise become after LEAVING the circus? Ex-IT.
What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.