How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
Puns
My grandma always loved to craft clothing. She dyed last week.
I accidentally drank a little food coloring last night. I ended up dying inside.
We went running on our camping trip. It was past tents.
Dark humor is like food: Not everybody gets it.
My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.
I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.
There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.
Someone asked me, "How would you like your steak cooked?"
I said, "On a stove!"
What did the melon say to the avocado when he proposed?
Can't elope.
Why did the chef cook his eggs on the golf course? Because he wanted them par-boiled!
Dad: 🦆
Kid: ?
Dad: 🦆🦆
Kid: Huh?
Dad: Ur too late...
Kid: WHAT!
Dad: .... GOOSE!
Do you know where time is? Because it keeps flying by.
Tell your teacher this: "I passed a test that took 60 minutes. It wasn't your work, it wasn't my work, it was hour work!"
If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
A shoplifter tried to rob a grocery store.
He was asked to give an "eggsplanation."
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?"
What has a heart but no organs?
A deck of cards!
BOB: Wanna know a joke?
LILLY: What? Your hat?
BOB: No, my life :'(
What happens when a clock is hungry?
It goes back four seconds.
