Puns

I impaled my son with a pitchfork...

He looks very sharp.

Why do ducks have feathers?

To cover their butt-quack.

What's a delinquent mitten's favorite sport?

Badminton.

Sans: Wow, seems you’re really working yourself... down to the bone!

My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high...

So, apparently, Hitler's dad was quite the abusive fellow, always beating his son.

Guess that's why he's called (Hit)ler.

I met a really greedy oyster. It was quite shellfish.

Why did Iran, ran?

Iran said, "I ran away!"

What did the Arch bridge say to the Truss bridge?

"I Truss-ted you!"

My Llama's cousin sucks at going on vacation.

He just stands there; "I'll pack uhhhh...."

What do you call it when a watch has too many belts?

A waist of your time.

I almost secretly married a watermelon, but I cantaloupe.

Did you hear about the guy who got electrocuted?

It was quite a shocker.

How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

Poker Face.

What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just WAVED. Can you SEA what I did there? I'm SHORE you did. Why are you so SALTY? Don't be a BEACH.

Mooning is very astrological!

What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?

A chicken tender.

What do you call it when you drop a bottle of food dye?

"It's dye-ing."

I don't put ketchup and mustard on my hotdog, I relish it.

How does a crazy person get to the woods?

He takes the psychopath.