Puns
Two men were bartering over a marble slab. A lot of counter-offers were made.
What does a glass of water ask a pond?
"Water you doing?"
What does the pond answer?
"Pondering life."
I trained a wolf to meditate, so now she's aware-wolf.
I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.
Who was the knight on the Round Table that only ate meat?
Sir Loin.
Three men walk into a bar... you would have thought the last one would have ducked.
They are making a movie about clocks.
It’s about time.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.
Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to speak to me.
No one wanted to hear my ocean puns, they said they were too fishy.
What time are most dentist appointments? Tooth hurty.
Once there was a boat. Its friends said,
"It's time to come back." And the boat said,
"No way. I don't give into pier pressure."
What did Goodlife Fitness say to LA Fitness? "I guess it's just not 'working out'!"
What did the chocolate dentist say to the other chocolate dentist? Did you "chip" a tooth?
What is a doll's favorite dog? A doll-matian.
Knock knock. Who's there? Ieatmop. I eat mop who? Eww, you eat your poo?
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A nectarine.
By the way, could you tell me an elevator pun? I can't seem to "come up" with one myself.
I fell from the stairs the other day. It really "got me down."
Why did Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.