Puns
What unit of measurement is used on farms? Barn yards.
Why does a chicken cross the road?
To poop and pee in the potty!
No, you!
Why is it poetic when they have plenty of those German sandals in the store? Because they're Birkenstock.
Two men were bartering over a marble slab. A lot of counter-offers were made.
What does a glass of water ask a pond?
"Water you doing?"
What does the pond answer?
"Pondering life."
I trained a wolf to meditate, so now she's aware-wolf.
I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.
Who was the knight on the Round Table that only ate meat?
Sir Loin.
Three men walk into a bar... you would have thought the last one would have ducked.
They are making a movie about clocks.
It’s about time.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.
Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to speak to me.
No one wanted to hear my ocean puns, they said they were too fishy.
What time are most dentist appointments? Tooth hurty.
Once there was a boat. Its friends said,
"It's time to come back." And the boat said,
"No way. I don't give into pier pressure."
What did Goodlife Fitness say to LA Fitness? "I guess it's just not 'working out'!"
What did the chocolate dentist say to the other chocolate dentist? Did you "chip" a tooth?
What is a doll's favorite dog? A doll-matian.
Knock knock. Who's there? Ieatmop. I eat mop who? Eww, you eat your poo?