Puns
Face-Timing My Girlfriend:
"Hey girl! Are you a veterinarian? Because these puppies are sick!" *shows muscle*
A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."
I’d tell a sodium and hydrogen pun, but NaH.
How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!
What does a pirate say to his girlfriend?
I want your booty!
— Wanna hear a joke about ghosts?
— No.
— That's the spirit!
What’s your favorite type of wood? Mine is Bollywood.
Hey, look, it's Bai! (insert the picture of a Bai drink)
What did the explorer say when he got tired?
I'm gonna take a map.
When this guy fell off a cliff, he got an A+ for egg-cellence!
What happened to the egg after it went on the rollercoaster?
It was scrambled.
What do you call a bad "egg" meme?
Deep fried!
What do you need in order to crash a train?
A bad track record.
My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice. I called it "cold hard cash."
If you park your tow truck on the footpath, it'll get towed.
Eggs
You crack me up!
I wanted to make a belt out of watches, then I realized it was a waste of time!
Life as an elevator has its ups and downs.
I bought a wooden whistle. But it wouldn't whistle, so I bought a steel whistle. But it still wouldn't whistle. So I bought a lead whistle, but it still wouldn't lead me to whistle.
What country do French Fries come from? Grease.