Puns
People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.
Do you need an ark?
Because I Noah guy!
I learned that a strangler was targeting me.
All I could think was, "You’ve got to be choking me!"
I had an animal pun contest today. He started off by saying something. I don’t remember.
Then I replied, “TOUCAN play that game.” He went silent, and my other friend barged in and said, “Don’t you think he’s CHICKENing out?” I said, “Yeah, just stop HORSING around!” He came back with one, and I ended it by saying, “Ok, let’s MOOOOOve on cow.”
Welp, that’s it.
A man walks into a bar and sees a piece of steak on the ceiling.
The cashier says, "If you can grab it, your meal's free!"
The man then said, "Nah, the stakes are too high."
What is the chair's favorite person?
A sit-izen.
Why did that fish cross the road?
Just for the halibut (hell of it)!
Two scientists walk into a bar. One says, "I want h20." The other said, "I want h20, too." The second scientist died.
Sauron said, "Eye see all."
I have a friend that sells backpacks for a living. You can draw on them using markers of different color variants.
He one day said his business was "remarkable."
Two kids were sitting at a restaurant. One said, "Could I please have some water? I am feeling a little HORSE." The other said, "Animal Puns? TOUCAN play at that game."
What do you call a chicken that catches ghosts? A poultrygeist.
I was walking by a prison when I saw a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down the fence. When he hit the ground and sneered at me, I said, “Well, that’s a little condescending.”
My Butterfingers slipped.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
I was really rooting to tell that one.
Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?
He doesn't like commitment.
I don’t like stairs. They are always up to something.
After all the mudslides in the area, the streets became a mudder out there.
Does anyone know Wakanda movie is Black Panther?
Someone asked me if I was a good sleeper. I told them I'm so good that I can do it with my eyes closed.