Puns
"Knock knock?"
"Mustache."
"I mustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later!"
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Because chickens are mindless creatures and do not know any better.
You are American when you walk into the bathroom, and you are American when you walk out.
But do you know what you are when you're in the bathroom? European.
So I got these new shoes, except they were from a drug dealer.
Now I don't know what they were laced with, but I was trippin' all day.
What do you call it when a midget waves at you?
A microwave.
The waiter recommended the rug meal.
She said it was delicious, but it's a tassle to make.
Where did the one legged lady work?
IHOP
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
We were at a restaurant today, and my dad was talking about a place called Sea Ranch.
I asked, "What do they raise there? Sea horses?"
Wanna hear a joke?
Your outfit. Har har!
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
What do you say to toast with bad shoes?
"Butter those."
Have you heard about the corduroy pillow cases? They've been making headlines.
What pants do you wear to church? Hole-y ones.
You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?
European.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Yes, because a house doesn’t jump.
I lick cows for my mother.
Two fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and asked: "Hey, how do you drive this thing?"
Hey updog!
What's updog?
(Laughter)
Brian was shopping at a mall. He hopped onto an escalator. Next to him were two people having an argument. Eventually, one of them pulled out a pocket knife threatening to stab the other. Brian murmured "Well, that escalated quickly..."