Puns

The man was absolutely delighted to find that every lamp in his house was stolen.

Cao ni man sha bi lalla shabi.

- Hey, are you single?

- No, I'm album.

Tonight I'm making a fort. I'm calling it Fortnite.

Why did the chicken cross the road? It was running away from Kernel Sanders.

Hehehe

What do you say after you go out for middle eastern food? I falafel (feel awful)!

Someone is adding dirt to my garden!

The plot thickens!

I went to a truck on wheels, they said, "Wheel feed you."

I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.

Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.

What’s the best math equation to eat?

Cosine Law.

I once had clothes that were so unbearably uncomfortable,

but I never realized they suited me.

Getting a book on pasta?

Yes. Just imagine the pastabilities there are!

What do you call it when tectonic plates start racing?

Continental Drift.

I hit myself on a window yesterday. I really felt the pane.

The first trains were often derailed. They had a bad track record.

Sand under docks is very resilient. It doesn’t give in to pier pressure.

Once, there were two cupcakes in the furnace. One cupcake said, "It's kinda hot in here." The other one said, "Hah, a talking cupcake!"

A fire broke out at the circus, it was intense.

Using modern day technology you can produce music with a Tesla coil. I don't know if you heard it, but it is quite shocking and even electrifying. I can't tell if it is metal or techno, but it is more valuable than joules. It really amps up your blood pressure and has you saying watt the whole time. It is way better than current music.

My friend dared me to steal my other friend's watch. I tried, but failed. He really got me, dare.