Puns

I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.

8008135 is my favorite number.

The worst ratio is 6:9.

And last but not least, "Why was six afraid of seven?" Seven eight nine. But why was six with nine? Because when you put them together, you get 69. But why was six mad at nine? Because Nine eight six, too.

Person you don't know, my name.

What do you call a dead pine tree? A Nevergreen!

A person asks a taxidermist what they do for a living. The taxidermist replies, "Oh, you know, stuff."

Mankind is made of 2 words: Mank and ind.

Do you think the founder of Dunlop was a retired tree surgeon or a hairdresser?

I'd like to relish the fact that you've mustered up the courage to ketchup to my level.

Here’s my pun.

Yup literally nothing... jeez this was pretty plain.

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

Knock, knock. "Who's there?" Not Sally.

Hi, my name is Bob.

Why did the researchers want all the shore birds high on marijuana?

They wanted to leave no tern unstoned.

I would say a good joke, but all the good ones Argon.

I used to work at a bank, then I lost interest.

I was at the store during a storm one time. I guess you could say it was story.

Damn, DIN just went over me and I'm trying to figure out what it is. A camel's dick.

Why couldn't the skeleton go to the prom? Because he had no BODY to go with...

I could have said a skeleTON more jokes, but I think that might break your funny bone.

Why did the pervert sing "Gucci Gang"?

Because a woman just gave him a lil pump.

A man got fired from the first coin factory. He exclaimed, "No! This is the only thing that's ever made cents!"

Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?

Because he is always talking about his honey.