Puns
Why tie when you can knot?
Why did the crumb cake isolate himself? He had a crumbling social life.
There was a Cheerio that had a job. He worked hard at it, and the boss came up and promoted him to the vice president of the Cheerios. So he needed a speech. He kept practicing and practicing and now he was thirsty. It was almost time for his speech, so he went to the drinking fountain, but there was a huge line. So he went to the lake, but he saw tons of garbage and what he thought was a cereal killer. So he found this bowl of punch, but he realized... there was no punchline.
Me: (Tim) What's wrong?
Him: Wha...
Me: Are you inTIMidated?
I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.
"Have you ever heard of the snail that never gives charity?"
"Yeah, he is so shellfish!"
If we can't see air, can fish see water?
If you're cleaning a vacuum cleaner, does that make you the vacuum cleaner?
You have been a bad boy, so now I will have to pun-ish you!
Why can't you play poker in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs!
Don't tell a Titanic joke, or you'll sink to a whole new low.
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
Hey, wanna hear a construction joke?
- Sure.
Oh sorry, I'm still working on it :-]
I was gonna tell you a sodium joke, but Na, only I thought it was so dium funny.
What language do they speak in the middle of the earth?
CORE-ean
I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.
What do you call a dwarf with ESP that escaped a prison?
A small medium at large.
A roman walks into a bar and holds up 2 fingers and says, "Five beers, please!"
What do you do with a broken bird? You re-parrot!
Why was the obtuse angle hot?
It was more than 90 degrees.