Puns
I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.
"Have you ever heard of the snail that never gives charity?"
"Yeah, he is so shellfish!"
If we can't see air, can fish see water?
If you're cleaning a vacuum cleaner, does that make you the vacuum cleaner?
You have been a bad boy, so now I will have to pun-ish you!
Why can't you play poker in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs!
Don't tell a Titanic joke, or you'll sink to a whole new low.
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
Hey, wanna hear a construction joke?
- Sure.
Oh sorry, I'm still working on it :-]
I was gonna tell you a sodium joke, but Na, only I thought it was so dium funny.
What language do they speak in the middle of the earth?
CORE-ean
I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.
What do you call a dwarf with ESP that escaped a prison?
A small medium at large.
A roman walks into a bar and holds up 2 fingers and says, "Five beers, please!"
What do you do with a broken bird? You re-parrot!
Why was the obtuse angle hot?
It was more than 90 degrees.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
Pete: Knock, knock...
Paul: Who's there?
Pete: Boo...
Paul: Boo who?
Pete: Don't cry, it was only a joke!
Paul: I'm going to cry! It was such a bad joke!!!
People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.
Do you need an ark?
Because I Noah guy!