Profession jokes
Why do doctors use so much lipstick?
Because they love cos-medics!
Who do you call to clean up foul language?
A cuss-todian!
The doctor had an ego so big, it fell into the ocean fast.
No matter how hard I try, I will never be a stand-up comedian.
Why was the barber mad because I gave him a buzzcut?
Niall Devine, clown.
Do you know how to make a plumber cry?
Kill his family.
I need to go to the tailor, or so it seams.
A professional golfer driving his Porsche picked up an Irish girl hitchhiker. He had his golfing gear on the back seat. The Irish girl picked up something and asked, "What are these?"
"Those are tees," he said. "I rest my balls on them when I drive."
"Wow!" said the girl. "What will those car makers think of next!"
What is better for bus drivers? A. Magic school bus 🚌
Why did the accountant fall off his bicycle?
Because he lost his balance!
So what is the difference between a real doctor and a doctor of philosophy?
One cures the sick and the other makes them sick!
What did the chocolate dentist say to the other chocolate dentist? Did you "chip" a tooth?
So, if being a paedophile is a career, then burying the bodies must be gardening.
I have a great job for you, but you have to start it off...
Knock, knock...
Who's there?
I don't know?!?
So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he wanted to drop some HOT PLATES.
What do you call a rapper who's also a doctor?
Dr. Dre.
What do you call a rapper who's also a firefighter?
BLAZE RHYMES.
What did the 90s rocker Space Engineer in multiplayer Miner yell at the Troll stealing his stuff?
"Hey! give me my Nickelback!"