Profession jokes

Leo must be an INTERIOR DECORATOR... because when she enters a room, it becomes UGLY.

Why did the rapper bring a fishing rod to the studio?

To reel in some KILLER HOOKS.

"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."

A professional golfer driving his Porsche picked up an Irish girl hitchhiker. He had his golfing gear on the back seat. The Irish girl picked up something and asked, "What are these?"

"Those are tees," he said. "I rest my balls on them when I drive."

"Wow!" said the girl. "What will those car makers think of next!"

What is better for bus drivers? A. Magic school bus 🚌

Why did the accountant fall off his bicycle?

Because he lost his balance!

So what is the difference between a real doctor and a doctor of philosophy?

One cures the sick and the other makes them sick!

What did the chocolate dentist say to the other chocolate dentist? Did you "chip" a tooth?

So, if being a paedophile is a career, then burying the bodies must be gardening.

I have a great job for you, but you have to start it off...

Knock, knock...

Who's there?

I don't know?!?

So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.

I want to be a pilot.

What did the 90s rocker Space Engineer in multiplayer Miner yell at the Troll stealing his stuff?

"Hey! give me my Nickelback!"

How many hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.

What do you call a rapper who's also a doctor?

Dr. Dre.

Why did the rapper become a chef?

Because he wanted to drop some HOT PLATES.

How do you know if a woman that is poor who is between 18-24 years old is poor enough to do anything for money to help pay her bills? She would be working as a lesbian prostitute inside a lesbian hotel in San Francisco, CA.

You know the song "Getting Drunk on a Plane"? It was written by the pilot of the Lingard Skinner pilot.

Why is the Navy gay?

There all seamen.

Why are fire trucks big?

To hang out with the firefighters!