Profession jokes
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he knew how to mix up some beats!
"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital." "Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
It’s sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient.
He was a great vet.
I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.
What do you call a rapper who LOVES to cook?
Lil Sizzle.
What's the hardest thing when working with the severely mentally handicapped?
My dick.
"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O!'"
Why did the chef go get the eggs? Because eggs are egg-tastic!
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."
What do magicians and prostitutes have in common?
Answer: disappearing acts.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One to trust and the other to thrust.
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.
Why did the rapper become a MATH TEACHER?
Because he was good with bars and beats.
Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.
Why did the orphan become a prostitute?
They wanted somebody to call "daddy."
What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?
"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"
Why was the rapper so good at math?
Because he knew how to count his bars!
I'm starting a clown shoe store.
It's no small feat! :oD
My proctologist used to be a photographer. He took x-rays and told me to bend over and say "cheese!"