Profession jokes
What do you call a black astronaut? A black astronaut, you racist.
These jokes are EGGxactly why I became a comedian, and I know how to BAKE on breakfast.
2 jokes in a row babyyyyy!
Doctor: I can't treat you.
Orphan: Why!
Doctor: I'm a family doctor.
What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer?
We are both lawyers.
What is the perfect job for a pedophile?
A physical doctor for kids.
Why did the rapper go to school?
To get a degree in RHYMEOLOGY!
Knock knock! Who's there? Stripper. Stripper who? Stripper down!
What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?
"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"
Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.
Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.
Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.
Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?
Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?
There's a kid with loads of new firemen equipment and sees a fire engine go past and the kid asks the firemen, "Come have a look at my new gear." So the firemen go look at his gear, so then the kid says:
"I've got a helmet, a big jacket, and an oxygen tank, and a little wheelbarrow for my gear."
Firemen say: "Why is there a rope tied around a cat's balls?"
The kid says, "So I can have a siren nnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn"
What is a bus driver that does not work? A useless one!
Me: I want to be a stand-up comedian.
Friend: You have to be able to stand up.
If you are disabled and a comedian, is it called stand-down or sit-up?
Orange you glad you are not a comedian?
What's the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
A rooster clucks defiance!
Why does fireman wear red suspenders?
To hold his pants up.
- I work with animals.
- Great! What job?
- A butcher.
What would you name a detective if he didn't already have a name?
Cassie.
Get it?
If a master fisherman had a caddie, what would be the caddie's job title?
A master baiter.
Why did the rapper become a plumber?
Because he wanted to lay down some SICK PIPES!