Profession jokes
Why did the rapper go to school?
To get a degree in RHYMEOLOGY!
Knock knock! Who's there? Stripper. Stripper who? Stripper down!
What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer?
We are both lawyers.
These jokes are EGGxactly why I became a comedian, and I know how to BAKE on breakfast.
2 jokes in a row babyyyyy!
What is the perfect job for a pedophile?
A physical doctor for kids.
Memes
Doctor: I can't treat you.
Orphan: Why!
Doctor: I'm a family doctor.
Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.
Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.
Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.
Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?
Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?
There's a kid with loads of new firemen equipment and sees a fire engine go past and the kid asks the firemen, "Come have a look at my new gear." So the firemen go look at his gear, so then the kid says:
"I've got a helmet, a big jacket, and an oxygen tank, and a little wheelbarrow for my gear."
Firemen say: "Why is there a rope tied around a cat's balls?"
The kid says, "So I can have a siren nnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn"
What is a bus driver that does not work? A useless one!
Me: I want to be a stand-up comedian.
Friend: You have to be able to stand up.
Why did the rapper bring a map to the recording studio?
Because he heard they were dropping TRACKS.
What do you call a rapper with a PhD?
A rap scholar.
Why did the rapper become a plumber?
Because he wanted to lay down some SICK PIPES!
What do you call a rapper who's also a PILOT?
Fly Guy
Why did the rapper become a barber?
Because he loved to drop FRESH CUTS.
What do you call a rapper who LOVES to cook?
Lil Sizzle.
Why did the rapper become a barber?
Because they love CUTTING TRACKS!
Why did the rapper become a fisherman?
Because they loved dropping BASS.
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he knew how to mix up some beats!
If you are disabled and a comedian, is it called stand-down or sit-up?