Profession jokes
What is the perfect job for a pedophile?
A physical doctor for kids.
What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?
"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"
Why did the rapper go to school?
To get a degree in RHYMEOLOGY!
Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.
Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.
Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.
Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?
Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?
What is a bus driver that does not work? A useless one!
Me: I want to be a stand-up comedian.
Friend: You have to be able to stand up.
- I work with animals.
- Great! What job?
- A butcher.
Why does fireman wear red suspenders?
To hold his pants up.
If you are disabled and a comedian, is it called stand-down or sit-up?
What would you name a detective if he didn't already have a name?
Cassie.
Get it?
What's the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
A rooster clucks defiance!
Orange you glad you are not a comedian?
What did the bull say to the bullfighter?
What's the "matador?"
If a master fisherman had a caddie, what would be the caddie's job title?
A master baiter.
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he knew how to mix up some beats!
Why did the rapper become a fisherman?
Because they loved dropping BASS.
What do you call a rapper with a PhD?
A rap scholar.
Why did the rapper bring a map to the recording studio?
Because he heard they were dropping TRACKS.
Why did the rapper become a barber?
Because they love CUTTING TRACKS!
What do you call a rapper who LOVES to cook?
Lil Sizzle.