Profession jokes
To become a licensed airline pilot requires 1,500 hours (two years) of training. But it only takes 10 seconds to steal the pilot’s jacket and hat.
What do you call a rapper who’s also a DOCTOR?
MC Healer.
How do you know if a woman that is poor who is between 18-24 years old is poor enough to do anything for money to help pay her bills? She would be working as a lesbian prostitute inside a lesbian hotel in San Francisco, CA.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
What do you call an Indian electrician?
Ashok 😂
Pooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
What’s the difference between a doctor and a pedophile?
The doctor doesn’t enjoy giving physicals.
What is an astronaut's favorite button? A space bar.
I’m a clown...
And everyone knows.
There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard: the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills," grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence," grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."
When do astronauts eat?
At launch time!
What do city plumbers and pedophiles have in common?
They both lay pipes in public parks.
"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."
What do you call an alligator with a magnifying glass?
An Investigator.
What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?
Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.
I want to be a pilot.
So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.
What does a male Asian P*rnstar like to say?
"I love eating cat."
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he knew how to cook up FRESH BEETS!
What did the baker say when he forgot the cookie sheets?
Ooh, snickerdoodles!