Profession jokes
There were three men in a car: the driver, a homeless man, and a rapper. The driver takes them to the woods and says, "I'm not really a cab driver, I'm a wanted killer." The homeless man says, "I'm not really homeless," and pulls out a chain. The rapper says, "If we're gonna be completely honest, I'm not a rapper, I'm a cop!"
What do you call a black astronaut? A black astronaut, you racist.
Why did the rapper go to school?
To get a degree in RHYMEOLOGY!
What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?
"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"
What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer?
We are both lawyers.
These jokes are EGGxactly why I became a comedian, and I know how to BAKE on breakfast.
2 jokes in a row babyyyyy!
Knock knock! Who's there? Stripper. Stripper who? Stripper down!
Doctor: I can't treat you.
Orphan: Why!
Doctor: I'm a family doctor.
Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.
Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.
Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.
Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?
Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?
There's a kid with loads of new firemen equipment and sees a fire engine go past and the kid asks the firemen, "Come have a look at my new gear." So the firemen go look at his gear, so then the kid says:
"I've got a helmet, a big jacket, and an oxygen tank, and a little wheelbarrow for my gear."
Firemen say: "Why is there a rope tied around a cat's balls?"
The kid says, "So I can have a siren nnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn"
What is a bus driver that does not work? A useless one!
Me: I want to be a stand-up comedian.
Friend: You have to be able to stand up.
What do you call a rapper with a PhD?
A rap scholar.
Why did the rapper become a barber?
Because they love CUTTING TRACKS!
What do you call a rapper who's also a PILOT?
Fly Guy
What do you call a rapper who LOVES to cook?
Lil Sizzle.
Why did the rapper bring a map to the recording studio?
Because he heard they were dropping TRACKS.
Why did the rapper become a plumber?
Because he wanted to lay down some SICK PIPES!
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he knew how to mix up some beats!
Why did the rapper become a fisherman?
Because they loved dropping BASS.