Produce jokes
If you ever have a gay friend whose comatose, tell his family he/she was a fruit. Now he/she's a vegetable, at least they're still in the produce section.
What do you call a cow that doesn't produce any milk? An udder failure.
"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.
Hey, what’s your favorite type of tomato? Mine is sun-dried tomato.
Get it? "Sun-dried" like "son died."
Producer: We need to stop testing out products on animals.
CEO: Shampoo companies do it all the time.
Fairchild Republic making the A-10 Thunder Bolt.
DIS IS NUT FOR KIDS
So I was walking in a store, and a carrot and a lettuce said, "Lettuce leaf!" to me.
What do apples and orphans have in common?
The apple gets picked.
Somewhere out there, a tree is tirelessly producing oxygen for BLESSEDBRIAN. I think he owes it an apology.
How do you think they found out cows produce milk?
Two kids having fun in the barn.
Who is the coolest vegetable?
Rad-ish, of course!
It looks like a runner bean, only smaller.
From the makers of Mangeone...
What do you call a red potato?
A tomato. 🍅
(I know it's cringe!)
What does every arsehole and Tory have in common?
They all produce horrible shit.
What kind of bees produce milk?
Boobies.
A pair of Newfoundlanders, watching TV, saw endless big-budget advertisements for mass-produced American beer.
One Newfie turns to the other and says, "They say that stuff is the biggest seller in the States, but I don't see what the big deal is." So they buy a bottle, pour it into a plain jar and decide to get an expert opinion.
They send a sample to a lab in St. John's to have it analyzed.
A day later, the lab results come back: "Your horse has diabetes."
Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?
She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.
Why do orphans have water in cereal?
Because mom was never around to produce milk.
What’s a green cucumber?
A carrot.
Lettuce: Tomato, you're doing great!
Tomato: Thanks for the condiment!
Why do squirrels love dick?
Because it produces nut.