Harvest jokes
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Only the apple got picked up.
What do a blonde chick and a field of wheat have in common?
They're both bound to get plowed at some point in time.
Why do orphans pick apples? Because that's the only thing they can pick.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
What is the difference between a hoe's birth Daddy and her pimp Daddy?
The first daddy plants the seed in a cunt, and the second reaps the harvest from the cunt.
Why can't you tell a joke in a corn maze?
Because there's too many ears.
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
What do an orphan and an apple not have in common?
The apple actually gets picked.
Hannes asks his mother, "Mom, why are the peanuts called peanuts?" Mom replies, "Because they grow in the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why don't strawberries grow in the earth?" Mom replies: "The giraffes originally had a short neck, but it has grown from giraffe to giraffe. The same thing happened with the strawberries. They grew in the earth and grew higher from harvest to harvest until at some point their stems protruded from the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why is my neck so short?" The mother replies: "So many people died in the First and Second World Wars that our necks could not develop at all. It was the same in the Thirty Years' War. We humans have been in so many wars. The giraffes in none and that's why our neck is so short."
What fruit do scarecrows love the most?
Straw-berries.
What happens when you mess with a farmer? You get the whole ranch.
What does a pumpkin need when it's hurt? A pumpkin patch.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?
Apples get picked.
How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch!
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
Have any of you guys heard the classic airplane jokes? Here's a good example...
A farmer, a doctor, and a terrorist are on a plane. An engine fails, and they are going to crash, so the pilot asks everyone to throw out some items. The farmer threw out his apple harvest, the doctor threw out medical supplies, and the terrorist, (not needing a bomb apparently) threw out his briefcase of bombs. They still crashed, and they started walking to the nearest town. They passed a boy who was running. "Why are you running?"
"My dad got hit by a shiny red object and now he's bleeding!"
They three of them decide it's best to keep quiet, and continue. They then passed a crying girl, who said that her brother had been killed by a scalpel from heaven. They said nothing and continued. Finally, they see a boy laughing so much he is in tears. They ask him, "What's so funny?"
"Grandma farted and the house blew up!"
Why did Bob go to the store? To bob for apples.
What is the difference between fruits and Orphans?
Fruits get picked.
What's the difference between orphans and cotton?
Cotton gets picked.
Why shouldn't you tell a secret in a corn field?
Because they are full of ears!
Now that was a corny joke.
And yes, it was rather a-maize-ing.