After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
Somewhere out there, a tree is tirelessly producing oxygen for BLESSEDBRIAN. I think he owes it an apology.
"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.
What do you call a red potato?
A tomato. π
(I know it's cringe!)
You don't want to know why it takes so long to put a dead woman in a mass-produced coffin in a pre-buried grave dug by machinery that is then filled by mourners.
What kind of bees produce milk? Boobees.
Hey, whatβs your favorite type of tomato? Mine is sun-dried tomato.
Get it? "Sun-dried" like "son died."
What do you get if you cross an avocado and a Glock?
Glockamole.
Underground Fruit Association of N&C (UGFA)?
Weβre bananas!
A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.
The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.
The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.
"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.
The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."
What do apples and orphans have in common
The apple gets picked
What's the difference between an onion and a baby? I only tear up cutting the onion.
Lettuce: Tomato, you're doing great!
Tomato: Thanks for the condiment!
Why do squirrels love dick?
Because it produces nut.
Why do orphans have water in cereal?
Because mom was never around to produce milk.
Whatβs a green cucumber?
A carrot.
What does every arsehole and Tory have in common?
They all produce horrible shit.
Dwayne βthe Rockβ Johnson has made a laudable, command decision to omit real firearms from his movie sets.
This being the case, he ought to produce, direct, and star in his next movie titled: βThe Rubber Gun Squad!β π π
What do you call a bee that produces milk? Booby.
Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A. Ask your mother.
