After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
Somewhere out there, a tree is tirelessly producing oxygen for BLESSEDBRIAN. I think he owes it an apology.
Lettuce stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.
What do you call a red potato?
A tomato. π
(I know it's cringe!)
You don't want to know why it takes so long to put a dead woman in a mass-produced coffin in a pre-buried grave dug by machinery that is then filled by mourners.
What kind of bees produce milk? Boobees.
What do you get if you cross an avocado and a Glock?
Glockamole.
Underground Fruit Association of N&C (UGFA)?
Weβre bananas!
A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.
The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.
The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.
"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.
The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."
What do apples and orphans have in common
The apple gets picked
What's the difference between an onion and a baby? I only tear up cutting the onion.
Lettuce: Tomato, you're doing great!
Tomato: Thanks for the condiment!
Why do squirrels love dick?
Because it produces nut.
why do orphan have water in cereal
bc mom was never around to produce milk
What does every arsehole and Tory have in common?
They all produce horrible shit.
Dwayne βthe Rockβ Johnson has made a laudable, command decision to omit real firearms from his movie sets.
This being the case, he ought to produce, direct, and star in his next movie titled: βThe Rubber Gun Squad!β π π
What do you call a bee that produces milk? Booby.
Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A. Ask your mother.
Producer: we need to stop testing out products on animals. CEO: shapoo companies do it all the time Fairchild republic making the A-10 Thunder Bolt
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."
Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says $30,000.
The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
