In jail, why is the white guy scarier than the black guy? Because the white guy actually did something.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to.
Unless you are in prison.
I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.
Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.
...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.
Things you never want to do in jail:
- Never piss off an inmate. - Donโt start fights with the cops. - Donโt drop the soap. - Donโt run away from the cops.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?
My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.
So Americans strongly worship Donald Trump, eh? Well, let's put that claim to the test by throwing him into the general population of Rikers Island.
The guard caught one of the fugitives as he tried to escape. All he said was...
"Don't let your guard down."
Me going to jail for telling the orphan he has 363 days because mothers and Fatherโs Day.
So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.
What happened to the man who made too many bad jokes? He served out a cruel and unusual PUNishment.
What's the scariest thing about white people in prison?
How rare they are.
Why did the prisoner run away?
To spit bars.
Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?
Because orange is the new black.
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
The warden is stronger than the ender dragon, but WHY IS IT NOT A BOSS?
(Doesn't have boss bar.)
Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.
I'd hit you, but if I did, I'd go to jail for animal abuse.
I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremationโwhat's the difference?
Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.
Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.
Judge: But why?
Accused: Because Iโm an orphan.
Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.
So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!
