Priest's jokes
What does McDonald's and priests have in common?
They put their meat inside 10 year olds.
So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."
Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."
Three sons left home, went out into the world, and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.
"I built a big house for our mum," said the first.
"I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur," said the second.
And the third smiled and said, "I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it."
A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,
"The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house."
To the second son she said, "I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude."
To the third son she wrote "Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!"
How did the priest know the nun was on her period? He tasted blood on the altar boy's cock.
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What's the difference between a zit and a Catholic priest?
A zit will wait 'til 12 before it cums on your face.
Why are Demons dying from Priestwater? The soul from a Priest is completely different.
Ashes to ashes, priests prefer boys, 'cause they don't have to shave their asses.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a pedophile? There isn't a difference.
"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O!'"
What's the opposite of an exorcism?
When Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child...
Where do babies get baptized?
So the priest can wash their sex toys.
A priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube. The priest asks what they are doing. The boys answer that the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on.
A priest, a rabbi, and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, “Is this some kind of joke?”
Do you know what a reverse exorcism is?
It's when the devil tells the priest to get out of the child.
If a priest listens to sad music in his church, he really enjoys being deep in minor.
What do a priest and Christmas tree lights have in common?
They can both flash.
Why do people call priests "Father"?
Because it’s too suspicious to call them "Daddy."
A priest and a child molester walk into a bar. He orders a drink.
You should always wash your sex toys. That's why priests baptize babies.