Priest's jokes
You should always wash your sex toys. That’s why priests invented baptism.
What's the difference between a Baptist and a rapist? The priests.
What does McDonald's and priests have in common?
They put their meat inside 10 year olds.
The priest had a very holy shirt.
Q: What do Satan and a priest have in common?
A: They both love naughty souls.
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.
What did the 12-year-old boy say to the priest?
Nothing, because his mouth was full.
What's the difference between a priest and customer service?
At least you can call customer service and tell them how your experience was.
So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."
Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."
Three sons left home, went out into the world, and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.
"I built a big house for our mum," said the first.
"I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur," said the second.
And the third smiled and said, "I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it."
A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,
"The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house."
To the second son she said, "I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude."
To the third son she wrote "Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!"
How did the priest know the nun was on her period? He tasted blood on the altar boy's cock.
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What's the difference between a zit and a Catholic priest?
A zit will wait 'til 12 before it cums on your face.
What happened to the eight-year-old boy that needed to go to the bathroom during church?
The priest stopped him on the way there.
Why are Demons dying from Priestwater? The soul from a Priest is completely different.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a pedophile? There isn't a difference.
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O!'"
Where do babies get baptized?
So the priest can wash their sex toys.
What do two priests say to each other when they walk into an orphanage?
"Let us pray."