Priest's jokes
When the priest said, "Be gone from this boy, demon!" the demon replied, "And you get out of the boy!"
Why are priests so bad at racing? They are always in the 'little behind'.
Q: What do priests do to stay in shape?
A: They exorcise.
What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? A rabbi cuts it off, a priest sucks it off.
What the difference between a priest and acne
Acne waits till your 13 to cum on your face
What’s a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.
There were four men eating dinner on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg.
The waiter said, "We have to get to the lifeboats!"
The teacher said, "What about the kids?"
The lawyer said, "Fuck the kids."
The priest said, "Do you think we'll have time?"
What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?
Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.
What did the priest say when he walked into an elementary school?
Let us prey.
A priest was driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.
The cop asked him if he had anything to drink. The priest said just water.
The cop said, "Then why can I smell wine?"
The priest said, "Good Lord, it happened again!"
Two priests are pulled over by the police. One priest asks the cop what the reason for pulling them over is. The cop says, "We are looking for two child molesters." The priest look at each other and tell the cop they'll do it.
A German priest went to America for a few months. Unfortunately for him, he did not speak the best English. He stayed with a beautiful, young single woman who worked at a nearby orphanage.
Every day, he visited her in the orphanage, and he always brought her small gifts, and of course to the young children.
The young woman thought the priest was flirting with him, and she knew he was not married. She left that thought in the back of her mind for a few weeks.
A few weeks later, she finally brought up her nerve to ask him. She asked him why he always visited her, and why all the gifts for her and the children.
Of course, due to his bad English, he struggled a bit with his sentence, but he said in his thick German accent, "Vell, I visit you and your, your littles, because the kind girls here are very beautiful and cute."
She was quite amused, and blushed a bit. The man was also a bit nervous, and appeared to want to leave her office.
The Priest then excused himself, and went to read the orphans a bedtime story.
He then muttered to himself, "Ach, she's catching on to me! Stupid! Zey are called little girls and boys, not child boys and girls."
How is a priest like a wristwatch?
They both start at 12.
A pedophile and a priest run a race.
You can’t beat yourself in a race!
You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.
That's why priests invented baptism.
What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?
Tell him that it is a confessional booth.
What do two priests say to each other when they walk into an orphanage?
"Let us pray."
One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.
He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.
So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"
Where do babies get baptized?
So the priest can wash their sex toys.