Priest's jokes
A priest walks into a bar, immediately orders the kids' menu.
The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"
A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.
Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"
Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"
Priest: "Fuck the children."
Rabbi: "Do we have time?"
Priest: "There's always time for something like that."
A Catholic gay male that is well-endowed goes to confession, and while he is inside the confessional booth, the Catholic priest is sucking his dick, and he says to the Catholic priest, "What are you doing, Father?"
And the priest says, "It's called giving a blowjob."
And the Catholic gay male says, "Why are you giving me a blowjob, Father, inside the confessional booth?"
And the Catholic priest says, "If there was no glory hole in the confessional booth, my son, it would not be called a confessional booth in the first place."
What's a priest's favorite fruit?
Cantaloupe.
A priest sees a man about to commit suicide. The man says, "I have nothing to live for here. I will die, go to Heaven, and get 72 virgins." Then the priest says, "No need for this. I will take you to the local elementary school."
Ashes to ashes, priests prefer boys, 'cause they don't have to shave their asses.
Why do Roman Catholics have so many kids?
So there’s more for the priest.
Why do priests dunk babies in water at their baptism? Because it's important to wash your sex toys.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a pedophile?
One is Catholic and the other is a priest.
A monk asks the priest if it's okay to kiss a nun.
The priest replies, "Just as long as you don't get in the habit!"
Why are priests so bad at racing? They are always in the 'little behind'.
How is [someone] blessed with a 9 inch dick?
That priest is in jail now. Shout out to the church!
What does a priest and Christmas tree have in common? The balls are just for decoration.
What is a similarity between priests and doctors?
They both have fetishes for their professions.
What's the difference between 5% of priests and 5% of atheists?
5% of atheists have seen a ghost.
5% of priests have spooked altar boys in the sacristy.
What do you call a priest that likes juice?
A Capriest Sun.
If you mixed the Iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad, what would you get?
Tony Abbott's career.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?
The devil always has horns... not just around children.
What do you call a priest meeting his illegal children?
A holy CUMmunion.