Priest Jokes

What is the difference between the subway guy and a priest?

The subway guy DIDN’T get away with it...

An LDS preacher knocks on the door with a chalice of wine offering to do the sacrement

The person living there points and says, "begone fowl blood-drinker"

And promptly the preacher bursts into flames leaving nothing but ash.

When is a priests best compromise?

A failed Baptism

A Man: I must confess father Priest: what are you her to confess A Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son Priest: and what happened to your son A Man: He said a man raped him Priest: when and where did this happened A Man: a local church, idk which one Priest...by whom? A Man: A priest he said, he said the priest had black hair and blue eyes. kind of like you Priest: ...shit

what do you call a priest gay! hahahahahaha

So a man goes to church is dipped in water 3 times by a Priest as he says, " From now on your name is Michael and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol. " . Soon after the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips it in the water 3 times while saying, " From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol. " .

Q: What do Satan and a priest have in common?

A: They both want Anthony's neck

A priest walked in and said to the kids

Hey kids.. are you ready for your faptism

If we can't say god in vane why dose he get to.

I’m rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.

thank the lord for my two huge balls

Three sons left home, went out into the world and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.

'I built a big house for our mum,' said the first.

'I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur,' said the second.

And the third smiled and said, 'I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it.'

A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,

'The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house.'

To the second son she said, 'I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude.'

To the third son she wrote 'Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!'

Why does the catholic church have a glory hole inside the confessional booth? so a priest give a anonymous blowjob to another bisexual man or a gay man or a heterosexual man that has a big dick after the priest hears their confession

What do gay guys and priests have in common

They are both gay in there Own ways

How do you kill a little boy You throw him between two Catholic priest

in the movie cars 2,there is a priest which means car Jesus died for the sins of the cars

HEY KIDS ARE YOU READY FOR FAPTISIM

I apologise for this joke lmfaooo, and you have probably heard this banger before, anyways;

What is the difference between a priest and a zit? 👀 The zit waits till you are 13 to come on your face 🤧

After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents. " Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white." The mother rushes the boy to the hospital while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm. "How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" He exclaims. The wife looks up at him. "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection."