Priest

Priest Jokes

Ash

Ashes to ashes, priests prefer boys, 'cause they don't have to shave their asses.

Church

I recently learned that churches won’t let trans men become priests because they don’t consider trans men as men, which is rather confusing to me.

As a Jew, I don’t know very much about Christianity, but from what I’ve heard, don’t priests love little boys?

Rabbi

A priest, a rabbi, and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, “Is this some kind of joke?”

Sex

You should always wash your sex toys. That's why priests baptize babies.

Rabbit

"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O!'"

Difference

What is the difference between the subway guy and a priest?

The subway guy didn’t get away with it...

Preacher

An LDS preacher knocks on the door with a chalice of wine offering to do the sacrament.

The person living there points and says, "Begone, foul blood-drinker!"

And promptly the preacher bursts into flames, leaving nothing but ash.

King

What did the racist Catholic priest say?

"Martin Luther? Not my king!"

Rapist

A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar.

He orders a beer.

Scarecrow

My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.

So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.

In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.

Arthritis

On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.

Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:

"Do you know what arthritis is?"

The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:

"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."

The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.

A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:

"How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."

Zit

I apologise for this joke lmfaooo, and you have probably heard this banger before, anyways;

What is the difference between a priest and a zit? 👀 The zit waits till you are 13 to come on your face 🤧

  • 2
  • Death

    I’m rather relaxed about death.

    From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.

    Kid

    A priest walked in and said to the kids,

    "Hey kids, are you ready for your faptism?"

    Satan

    Q: What do Satan and a priest have in common?

    A: They both want Anthony's neck.

    Whopper

    We are coming out with a Whopper that is similar to a priest because it also has its meat between 5-year-old buns.

    Pirate

    What does a pirate say to the president?? Spread your legs so I can get my treasure back.