Priest

Priest jokes

Ash

Ashes to ashes, priests prefer boys, 'cause they don't have to shave their asses.

Church

I recently learned that churches won’t let trans men become priests because they don’t consider trans men as men, which is rather confusing to me.

As a Jew, I don’t know very much about Christianity, but from what I’ve heard, don’t priests love little boys?

Rabbi

A priest, a rabbi, and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, “Is this some kind of joke?”

Sex

You should always wash your sex toys. That's why priests baptize babies.

Rabbit

"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O!'"

Prey

What did the priest say when he walked into an elementary school?

Let us prey.

Difference

What is the difference between the subway guy and a priest?

The subway guy didn’t get away with it...

Preacher

An LDS preacher knocks on the door with a chalice of wine offering to do the sacrament.

The person living there points and says, "Begone, foul blood-drinker!"

And promptly the preacher bursts into flames, leaving nothing but ash.

King

What did the racist Catholic priest say?

"Martin Luther? Not my king!"

Scarecrow

My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.

So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.

In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.

Arthritis

On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.

Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:

"Do you know what arthritis is?"

The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:

"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."

The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.

A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:

"How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."

Zit

I apologise for this joke lmfaooo, and you have probably heard this banger before, anyways;

What is the difference between a priest and a zit? 👀 The zit waits till you are 13 to come on your face 🤧

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  • Death

    I’m rather relaxed about death.

    From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.

    Kid

    A priest walked in and said to the kids,

    "Hey kids, are you ready for your faptism?"

    Satan

    Q: What do Satan and a priest have in common?

    A: They both want Anthony's neck.