Priest jokes

Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"

Roses are red... Orphans are blue... I killed the priest so I could rape them too.

How did the priest know the nun was on her period? He tasted blood on the altar boy's cock.

What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.

When the priest said, "Be gone from this boy, demon!" the demon replied, "And you get out of the boy!"

What would you throw between a priest and a nun? A bottle of whiskey.

How do you know you've found a priest? When little Timmy is glued to his crotch.

How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?

Tell him that it is a confessional booth.

How is a priest like a wristwatch?

They both start at 12.

Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.

The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.

"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.

The driver leans over to the other priest, and they whisper between themselves.

Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."

Q: What do you call a Mexican fighting a Catholic priest?

A: Alien vs. Predator.

Thank the Lord for my two huge balls!

Guys, we gotta stop telling these jokes. They are getting out of h- oh wait no .... Continue.

Yo daddy so stupid, he threw a Father’s Day party at the orphanage.

What did the Catholic priest say to the other Catholic priest as they entered the orphanage? Let’s us prey.

What do a priest and a pedo have in common?

Nothing, they both like kids.

What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?

A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.

I heard there was a kidnapping.

Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.

It was his father's friend who was a priest.

He was just bringing him to church.

A guy asks his priest friend what he wants to eat, and the priest says "bad boys." Then his friend asks, "What kebab do you want?" and the priest says, "B Bricked up Caucasian or Asian will do."

If you got a priest, a Rhodes scholar, and a politician in a room, what would you get?

The Royal Commission.

Alternatively, Tony Abbott.

Why are people suspicious when a priest yells "Attention Kmart shoppers"?

Boy's pants are half off.

What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?

Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.