I was pretty tight friends with my butt plug. But then we had a falling-out.
To you, Iron man may seem cool or awesome. But to me, he is pretty ironic.
A guy in a Costco was pretty pissed off at something, a guy walks up to him and says "Whats wrong pal?, don't worry it's not like your on a abandoned Isle!"
Um honey I'm glad your done but um WHO KICKED OUR BABY'S ASS?! I"M PRETTY SURE FACES DON"T BEND THAT WAY!!
A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards... The steaks were pretty high
So I was at the store and I saw a pretty Woman and i said hi and quickly she said i am not interested I have a husband and when i saw the woman again she said i need help i said no Call you husband KARMA 😂😂😜
One day a guy named Carson is called a jerk and he says "I went to a party with my girlfriend and this random guy walks up to us and says can I borrow your girlfriend for a 30 minutes I say yes and he takes her up stairs. It was not only 30 minutes but a hour. When she came back down she was out of breath so I knew it was a pretty intense conversation.this happens about 3 more times that night. But as I was saying only a nice guy would let his girlfriend make friends with other guys 😊😇
What did the knight say to his younger brother? "Good night."
You expected a silly pun there, didn't you? That's pretty rude. It makes light of the struggles of being a knight. Especially a good knight.
What did Santa say when he saw a pretty girl?
HO, HO, HO!
I work at a tire shop I'm pretty tired
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?? He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.
Me: Hey wanna know my spirit animal
Friend: Sure
Me: Road kill, because I can see my mom pretty clearly now
Friend: Wait, aren't you dead
Me: Aren't you my son
Friend: So that's what mom was trying to hide from me
I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.
A wife asks her husband: am I pretty or ugly? The husband awnsers her: pretty. The wife responds: thank yo- The husband interrupts her: PRETTY UGLY!
<img src="http://media.syracuse.com/news/photo/2016/08/03/boeing-c-32bjpg-ba41bd1bac5ece9c.jpg" alt="Image result for a white plane"/> i guess this is pretty plane i am sorry i am just winging it wow i guess these jokes haven't taken of Wow i just landed that one
One night I was sitting on my bed in my room, minding my own business. It was pretty late, around 10 PM. The glow of my laptop screen was the only light in the room. I heard a noise coming from behind me. It sounded like the door was opening, but there was no one else in the house. I turned around and found Mr. Incredible standing in my doorway, a stern look on his face. He walked over to me, slowly and dramatically. Then he leaned over and pointed his finger at my face, only about two inches away now. I was frozen with my back against the wall. Then, Mr. Incredible said something I would never forget: "Stop pirating video games." Ever since that day, I have never gone on a pirating website and have paid legally for my video games. True story.
Stop complaining. Pedophile jokes are pretty funny, but to say there are over 100 of them only to have repeats of the same joke told by different people is very disappointing.
This rat did the most amazing thing ever it was pretty radical dude.
I recently found out that my grandma died. We did an autopsy, and the results came back. They were pretty shocking.
We found out that she died............... from an autopsy.
