I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My aunt's star sign was Cancer, pretty ironic how she died.
She was eaten by a giant crab.
Imagine if hitting the iceberg wasn't an accident and it was all just the sailors' fault like this:
Sailor 1: Hey Ron. Sailor 2: Yeah? Sailor 1: You see that iceberg over there? Sailor 2: Yeah. Sailor 1: You know what would be pretty funny?
Wanna hear a terrible joke?
Paper
Pretty tear-able, huh?
Mexican jokes and black jokes are pretty much the same.
Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal.
Girlfriend: Am I pretty or ugly?
Boyfriend: You're both!
Girlfriend: What do you mean by that?
Boyfriend: You're pretty ugly!!!
I recently found out that my grandma died. We did an autopsy, and the results came back. They were pretty shocking.
We found out that she died............... from an autopsy.
Q: What is the difference between a stripper and a bungee cord?
A: It's cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're pretty much screwed.
My friend gave me sugar for my birthday. She thought it was cheap; I thought it was pretty sweet.
Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.
Dad: Son, who do you want to marry when you grow up?
Son: A ugly girl.
Dad: Why not a pretty girl?
Son: A pretty one might run away.
Dad: So an ugly one might too.
Son: Yeah, but who cares?
I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.
Did you hear about the light bulb party? Yeah, it was pretty lit!
Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.
Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!
Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-
Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!
when Ted Bundy found out he was getting the death penalty, he was pretty shocked...
A guy starts chatting to a pretty woman at a party.
Seeing that she didn't back off, he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. "That's a nice name," he said, warming up the conversation. "Who named you, your mother?"
"No, I named myself," she answered.
"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"
"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said, looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.
‘BJ Titsngolf’
I went on a walk with a super pretty girl, then she saw me and it turned into a run.
I know you don't like me, and that implies you need better taste.
I'm not an astronomer, but I'm pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.
I'd give you a nasty look, but it seems like you've already got one.
Your birth certificate should be rewritten as a letter of apology.
You haven't changed since the last time I saw you. You really should.
I'm pretty sure that 9/11 was the biggest game of Jenga ever recorded in history.
I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother, Carl. He got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. When we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. It was pretty cholerious.
