Porn jokes
I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.
Me: Can I get your mom's number?
Friend: Here you go:
Me: Ohh, strange, I already had it.
I revealed my dick to my girlfriend.
As she saw it, she said, "Nevermind, just finger me."
Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
He only comes once a year.
Leave a like if you like sex and porn, and talk to me if you have any questions.
Boss: You're fired.
Me: *pauses porn* Why?
Just accidentally emailed a porn link to a co-worker... So I emailed ten other co-workers the link and called it a virus.
So this is how I got divorced.
On my birthday my boss, who was a hot sexy woman who I have always had an eye on her huge ass and tits, wished me happy birthday and took me to her house. She went into the shower and came out dressed and this made me disappointed. But then she stripped off and made my dick go into her pussy and before I could realize I heard her main door creak. And in came my wife, mum, and my 2 kids, 8 years old and 12 years old. Although my wife joined in, she was mad after since that was not my wife, that was my wife's twin sister. Do not know why woman these days are like this!!!!!!!!!!
What does a perverted frog say?
"Rubbit."
Q: What did the porn actress say when she opened the door?
A: Make sure to come upstairs!
Mum finds out child cheats in math test.
Mom says, "There is no cheating in this house."
Child: "Then why did you cheat with my math teacher last night?"
Fancy playing rodeo sex?
"OK then," she said!
Then put your dick in her ass and say it’s not as tight as your sister’s ass and hold on for dear life... real life cow bow boy shit!
What is a porn star's favourite potato crisp flavour...
Prawn cocktail.
If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?
"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."
A: Why are you so sad?
B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.
A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?
B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie.
I am a volcano.
What’s the difference between the way you watch porn and I watch porn?
The windows we look through.
One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”
Here is a dark joke for you guys... "Why do pornstars scream, "DADDY!" in their videos? Because they were child molested by their father!"
For pedophiles, watching teen porn must be like watching mature porn.