Politics jokes
What does Donald Trump say when he declares war? Nuke them.
What does a pervert say when he declares war? Nude them.
What’s one thing Obama proved during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he’s still going to have the cops on his back.
The reason they attacked the towers is because the terrorists thought the towers were giant middle fingers pointed at them. What silly saudis!
What's red, white, and blue and crawls up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
*walks into a comedy night club* Owner: "You're doing standup tonight, right?" Noob Joker (you): "Yes, I am!" Owner: "Get onto the stage." Me: *walks up stage* Owner: "This is the standup comedian noobpro." Me: "Hey guys, how about some Donald Trump?" Crowd: *RUNS*
Muslims love to exaggerate, that's why they always blow things up.
No one:
Literally no one:
Abraham Lincoln: *dies*
John Wilkes Booth: *ranks up*
Putin: You came from the West and showered me with gifts.
Trump: And your prostitutes, they showered me with piss.
The Trump cocktail. Take a large glass and fill it with an ounce of everything behind the bar. Top it with whipped cream and a cherry. Now for the hard part: finding a Mexican to pay for it.
What do you get when you cross a fat christian nationalist that is heteroflexable, a christian nationalist politician who is also a born again christian, a conservative republican that has a small penis, and a tv evangelist on steroids?
My name is Joe Biden, and I am running for US Senate.
What do you get when you cross a cow and the Kool-Aid Man? Donald Trump, cuz of his red face and juicy tits.
In light of Trump's slurring, staggering, and incoherence, I wondered if he should get checked for a brain tumor.
Then I realized how ridiculous that sounded.
A tumor can't grow in something that doesn't exist in the first place.
What gun was used to kill Bin Laden?
An AK-BAR 47.
The people in the Democratic Party are how I like my coffee.
Black and bitter.
The teacher asks, "Who is a Trump fan?" Everyone in the class, wanting to be liked by their teacher, all put their hands up, except for Little Johnny. The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, why are you being different again?" Little Johnny says, "Because I'm not a Trump fan." The teacher asks, "Why are you not a Trump fan?" and Little Johnny says, "Because my dad's a democrat and my mum's a democrat so I'm a democrat." And then his teacher says, "So if your dad was an idiot and your mum was a moron, what would that make you?" And Little Johnny replies, "A Trump fan."
Someone at my school the other day said that whoever killed Hitler was a hero. Who's going to tell him?
To all the little rude people here, fuck you. I didn't ruin this country, it was Putin!
ememe
If Mexico is an unredeemable shithole, then how come the Republicans' favorite senator, Ted Cruz, ran to Mexico as fast as he could after a little bit of snow in his home?