Why is Donald Trump under so much stress?
Because he signed up to be on an album where somebody says "no love for the rich" on it.
There are three people in a plane that is about to crash: Trump, Obama, and a nine-year-old girl, but only two parachutes. Obama says, "Oh my, I need one. I need to protect my family," so he jumps off! Trump says, "Oh, I am the smartest man in the world. I must take it," so he jumps off. The nine-year-old girl says, "Welp, I guess he took my school backpack" :) so she leaves the plane! What a good ending.
What's the difference between a goverment and a pawn shop?
They lower you
A retired George W. Bush is eating a donut at 7/11 and looks at it. "I'm so happy I did that." A guy overhears the conversation and says, "You're happy you bought that donut? Oh haha, I would be too. I love donuts!" George W. Bush then says, "Oh hahaha, you caught me," and then says, "Oh hahaha, you must have heard me wrong. I said, I'm so happy I did 9/11."
There hasn’t been 3 months of peace in this country since 2019. Jesus, take the wheel.
Yo mama's so fat, she was overthrown by a small militia group, and now she's known as the Republic of Yo Mama.
My penis is so polite. It stands up so girls can sit down.
My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was a blow job.
Joe Biden would’ve died in the Secret Service tackle. They would have been like, "Get down Mr. Presi-"
Why does the president take so long to deliver each sentence?
He’s just Biden his time.
Unfortunately, NASCAR has been canceled.
The woke people heard that it was a human traffic ring.
Why did Iran, ran?
Iran said, "I ran away!"
What did the duck say to the pond?
"Fuck Trump."
If I fantasize about fucking a UCP Cabinet Minister Does that mean I'm sexually Conservative?
How did Teddy Roosevelt swing all the ladies?
He spoke softly and carried a big stick.
AHOY SPONGEBOB! I JUST COMMITED HOMICIDE IN SYRIA, AND THE ONE-PARTY STATE IS AFTER ME FUCKING ASS! ARGAGAGAGAGAGA!
Heil Kyle!
What comes after 611? 711.
What comes after that? 811.
What comes after that? George W. Bush.
Jason Kenney has never worried about putting food on the table for his kids.
"Knuckle babies" don't eat.
Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?
Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”
He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.
EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.
WebMD: Cancer.
