Politics jokes
"Terrorist, that’s a little strong. We call them private militaries."
Nobody:
JFK: :) Hi guys!
JFK's killer: Ayo look at this shit, I just hit a clip.
How can you tell Donald Trump is old and demented?
He can't distinguish between tanned people and cockroaches!
There are 4 people on a plane while it's crashing and there are only 3 parachutes. There's Opera, Obama, a little girl, and Trump. Opera grabs a parachute and says, "I'm famous, I get one!" And Trump grabs one and says, "Well, I'm president, of course I get one!" Obama looks at the little girl and says, "Since you're the future of our generation, take the last one." The little girl hugs Obama and says, "Actually, we can both have one. Trump took my backpack!"
Donald Trump and the Pope were standing on a platform in front of a crowd of people. The Pope said to Donald Trump, “I can make everyone in this audience happy with one small swipe of my hand.”
Donald Trump replies, “That’s not possible. You’ll have to show me.” Then the Pope slaps him.
What is Osama bin Laden singing right now?
*cue the little mermaid* "Undaaa the sea, undaaa the sea"
I have gathered intelligence regarding the Russian Forces that have been stalled in Ukraine for days. Apparently, they are installing rear view mirrors on their combat vehicles and tanks in order to see the battle at the front lines.
Republicans really want weed not to be legal, fucking cunts!
"You're the bomb."
"No, you're the bomb."
A compliment in the US, an argument in the Middle East.
We will win the war! 🇷🇺🇷🇺🇷🇺
Anyone else know that Hitler had only one testicle?
Maybe that's why he killed himself. Bro could never get any bitches!
Your mom's so fat, she annexed Crimea!
Why is the Rubik’s cube record holder always American?
Because Americans are really good at separating colors.
We all know that Lincoln and Kennedy are the most open-minded presidents in the world.
Why does the president take so long to deliver each sentence?
He’s just Biden his time.
What’s heavy, black, and can’t swim?
Ted Kennedy’s Oldsmobile Delmont 88 with Mary Jo Kopechne trapped inside.
My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was a blow job.
It’s amazing just how paranoid Hitler was.
In Hitler’s Germany, it was illegal to make jokes about him or his regime.
Come on! Forbidding Germans from making jokes? Isn’t that a bit like forbidding Americans from eating salad?
What do you call a shoe made by George Floyd?
The Breath Takers.
I’d make fun of transgender women, but that’s low hanging fruit.