Trump: Caillou, can you please stop whining? That squirrel didn’t just eat our pizza, he also ditched your dad, and he’s your stepdad now.
Caillou: Why I’m bald, Trumpy?
Trump: I don’t know, but what I do know is that you’re a massive shit stain.
Yo mama so fat, Trump used her like a wall.
What was George's last message to humanity before joining the others?
"I CAN'T BREATHE!"
Who got shot in the head? JFK did!
To all the little rude people here, fuck you. I didn't ruin this country, it was Putin!
Hello my fellow Americans, I'm playing Clash Royale for the USA clan, and two towers are already gone?
What do you get when you cross a cow and the Kool-Aid Man? Donald Trump, cuz of his red face and juicy tits.
"Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a computer screen, and then they can see the government has to get Chili's."
Trump can get banned. The cops can tack him to jail, and Trump go go go go bye bye for good. Trump is meing.
What's so wrong about Trump being in office?
He steals all the cats.
President Joe Biden was jogging through some different jogging paths around this great county we live in and was jogging through Alabama and fell off into a swamp filled with killer alligators, and these 3 boys named Willie, Roman, and Little Johnny saw him fall in and jumped in and drug him to safety, and the president was like "Thank you, thank you, thank you SOOO much. I'm gonna give you boys a reward for saving my life," and asks them what their names were and what they wanted. The first boy said, "My name's Willy, and I want to go to Disneyland," and the president said, "No problem, and I'll take you personally." The 2nd boy said, "My name's Roman, and I want an autographed pair of Air Jordan Nikes," and the president said, "No troubles at all," and the 3rd boy says, "My name's Little Johnny, and I want a power wheelchair with an awesome stereo and killer wheels," and the president says, "You don't look handicapped, Little Johnny," and Little Johnny said, "I'm not, but as soon as I tell my parents who I saved, I will be"🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
RICK: GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT OH GUESS WHAT MOTHERFUCKER OR IMMA SAY IT!!!!!!
Richard: What????
Rick: So before Donald Trump's impeachment, he said, "The Coronavirus will end on March 32nd 2021."
Richard: Your from planet Earth where there's a March 32nd. Enjoy it, *stupid dumb fuck brother*.
Rick: Oh I will.
*It was the day March 21st*
*9 Days later*
*March 31st*
Rick: oh I cant wait until tomorrow!!!!!!!!!! Ooh im so excited im gonna give my friends a big ole bro hug and hand shake i miss the muhfuckin dudes man
*one day later*
*He got his school uniform waiting for the bus not seeing it*
Rick:....... wai......Huh!?!?...... hol....up
BITCH IM AND IDIOT THERE IS NO MOTHERFUCKING MARCH 32ND THIS IS THE MOTHERFUCKING 1ST OF APRIL TRUMP DUMBASS
*Richard*
*oh he's the dumbass*
A UN survey asked the following: Please, in your honest opinion, could you give your thoughts on the food shortages in the rest of the world?
It was a failure because:
South Americans don’t know the word “please.”
Eastern Europeans don’t know the word “honest.”
Middle Easterns don’t know the word “opinion.”
Balkans don’t know the word “give.”
Chinese don’t know the word “thoughts.”
Africans don’t know the word “food.”
Western Europeans don’t know the word “shortage.”
Americans don’t know the words “the rest of the world.”
Then they simply explained “just donate healthy food to the global south to help.” But that still didn’t sit right with everyone, because Israelis do not know the word “donate,” and Pacific Islanders do not know the words “healthy food.”
Okay, the joke's over. Bring back Trump!
For centuries, Japan’s feudal dictators, called Shoguns, enforced strict laws that kept people from leaving or entering the country. This practice isolated Japan from the rest of the world. By the middle of the 19th century, Japan’s isolationism was creating problems for the United States’ whaling industry whose ships needed coal, food, and water available in Japanese ports. And sailors who were shipwrecked on the coast of Japan needed protection from mistreatment.
In November 1852, President Millard Fillmore sent an expedition to Japan to solve these problems. Led by Commodore Matthew C. Perry, the expedition had both steam-powered and sail-powered warships and several hundred men. Perry’s task was to persuade the Japanese to sign a treaty with the United States that would open Japanese ports and protect shipwrecked sailors. On July 8, 1853, the Perry expedition sailed into Edo Bay about thirty miles from the city of Edo (modern Tokyo).
During talks with the Shogun’s representatives, the idea of a treaty was repeatedly rejected. But Perry didn’t give up. Finally, in February 1854, the Japanese agreed to negotiate a treaty. The Treaty of Kanagawa established peace between the two countries, opened two ports to U.S. shipping, and protected shipwrecked sailors. It was signed on March 31, 1854.
Perry’s expedition also opened Japan to the rest of the world. Within two years, Japan signed similar treaties with Russia, Holland, and Britain.
What is anonymous 🤔 oral masturbation? the politically correct word for anonymous gay fellatio from a 🕳 glory hole inside a 📖 adult book store
"(live comedy club) Foul Mouthed Trump Hating Comic:
......"Hey how 'bout that Donald Trump chump, what the fuck up with that dude, man? Geeeezus, he got some kuh-razy ass shit spewing endlessly out that pie-hole, 24/8!" (< leap week, muthafukas!) . . . "I mean, even his last name rhymes with shit that's synonymous for being fucked up, for instance"....
STUMP: TEENY DICK
BUMP: TINY TIT
GUMP: DIMWITTED MOVIE IDIOT GUY
MUMP: A FUCKED UP CHILDREN'S DISEASE
LUMP: IF IT'S MALIGNANT, YOU'RE KINDA FUCKED
UMP: OFTEN MAKES TERRIBLE CALLS
RUMP: AN ASS
DUMP: A PILE OF SHIT THAT CAME OUT OF AN ASS
HUMP: SOMETHING DADDY DID TO HIM DAILY THROUGHOUT CHILDHOOD
PUMP: SEE "HUMP" . . . and last, but definitely not least --
JUMP: JUMP INTO A DEEP HOLE MOTHER FUCKER, AND GO TO HELL!!
.... "Well that's about it for me as my explosive diarrhea is about ready to take a turn for the worse!! ......(splort!, plop!)....... OOOOPS!! ..... sniff, sniff........ Ewww!" (audience roars) "Fuhhhhk!". . . I better go, 'cause I just went!! ..... Ha! ha! ha!" . . . "Thank You Lazies and Gerbilmen! Good Night!!" ............
(endless laughter, guffaws, cheers, jeers, queers, beers, pants pee-ing, beaters beating, pepper sprayin', guns poppin')
"OH LORDY!!... HELL HATH FINALLY COMETH, AND ARMAGETTIN' THE FUCK OUTTA HEEE!!"
(quick curtain call, and off to waiting taxi.........with the windows down) .......Amen."
What do you call disabled people that follow politics?
A special interest group.
Chesley, in horror, runs out of the cockpit of the plane coming from London, "I'm so very sorry, everyone. I punched the wrong buttons, and we are heading to DC instead of New York, and we are about to run out of fuel." He opens the door and turns around to the five passengers and exclaimed, "I've parachutes but miscounted. We only got four for the passengers." He jumps off.
Donald faced the other four and orders:
"I'm the greatest leader of the world, and I'll make the decision. Tony, you go first. Our country needs you. The whole wide world needs you. Pandemic is raging."
Tony jumps off.
"Francis, my friend, you go next. Pandemic is ravaging the mind and body of millions. Their soul needs saving. Save Vladimir's and Xi's for me."
Francis jumps off.
Hillary faced Donald furiously. "Who are you to make decisions for us? I should have been president. I'm the smartest woman in the whole world in history."
Hillary jumps off.
Donald gazed at the young woman and started talking: "I'm an old man. I have already lived a full life - beautiful wives, children, just a beautiful life. Just beautiful. I've become president of the most powerful country, the most beautiful, the richest. Regrets? I've made a few but did it my way. Greta, go on. Your future is bright. I just wish I can make my country great again and have the chance to help save the world with you. I believe in second chances. Look at my bankruptcies, believe me. And I wish I've played more golf and..."
Greta interjected, "Just shut the f* up. The plane is about to crash. Let's go and save the world. The smartest woman in history took my backpack!"
Sultan Khan was a courtier in Akbar's court. He wanted to make his son the royal treasurer, but his cunning plans always failed.
Sultan Khan thought that Birbal was the cause of his son's misfortune, so he looked for an opportunity to get rid of Birbal. One day, Birbal was late to the emperor's court. Seeing this, Sultan Khan said, "Your Majesty, don't you think that Birbal is taking advantage of his position because he has been late these days?"
"This must be another plan to trap Birbal," said Akbar. So he decided to wait and see what Birbal would do. Akbar sat next to Suman Khan and said, "Yes, he must be punished."
Suman Khan was amazed to see his plan work this time. "From now, you should not agree to anything he says today," Akbar replied, "Agreed."
Soon, Birbal came to court. "Please spare me for being late. My wife was unwell." Akbar immediately said, "No."
Birbal was surprised. He tried again by saying, "But that's the truth. Please believe me." Again, Akbar replied, "No."
"There must be something going on," thought Birbal to himself. Then he asked, "Can we discuss important matters today?" Akbar immediately replied, "No, we will not."
"Then may I go home?" asked Birbal. Akbar said, "No, you will stay here this evening," said Akbar, enjoying himself. Birbal understood what was happening.
"Oh, so this is my game. The emperor is saying no to all my questions." He looked around and saw Suman Khan smiling, seeing him in trouble. "This must be his idea. Let me teach him a lesson."
The clever Birbal thought to Akbar, "Very well," he said. "But I have a last request. Will you please listen to me?" Akbar saw what Birbal had done.
He was very pleased and called loudly, "No, I will not listen to you." That is all Birbal said before returning to his seat. Suman Khan was stunned and angry, and Birbal had outwitted him, so he could not make his son the treasurer.
