Police jokes
What's the difference between a dog and a foster child?
A dog doesn't run to the police after you beat it.
A police officer came up to me and said, "Just why, why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight?"
Cops go to the hood when the shooting range is closed.
What do you call a group of cops having a sleep over?
Pigs in a blanket.
Why can't a blonde call 911?
She can't find the 11.
A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.
Woman: "I want coffee, black."
Cop: *takes out gun* "WHERE?!"
*trigger alert*
Why did the racist cop shut down the space brothel?
Because there were too many black holes.
Me and my wife love playing table tennis. I couldn’t win all day, but when it got dark, I managed to beat her. I don’t know how the police found out so quickly.
Somebody called the cops for a school shooting, what a snitch!
What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?
“C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”
My friend got arrested for shooting an unarmed black teen.
He was charged for impersonating a police officer.
Today, I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. The police thought it was suicide since I have no fingerprints. Wow, I’m so nice taking care of the disabled.
The cop that is on a 12 o'clock shift says, "Hands up!"
A man walks into a bar. He sees a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer. He gets on his hands and knees and prays to God out loud. The bartender says, "Why are you praying?" He says, "Because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand."
What’s a homo police dog?
A gay-9.
What does a cop say when you shoot a ginger?
I guess orange is the new black.
A man had 10 dead and bloody babies in the middle of his living room. The police suddenly knocked on his door. What is the hardest thing to hide?
- A boner.
Q: What is red, white, and blue and fun to watch?
A: A cop car rolling over after trying to catch someone for speeding.
The coffee was getting mugged, so it called 911.