Police:come with me I’m taking you home orphan:well we need to find them first
Police:then I don’t need to take you home
Why did the chief go to jail?
Because he beat the eggs and whiped the cream
Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.
When you donate a kidney, you are a total hero, everyone loves you
When you donate five kidneys though, people start yelling, the police gets called - sheesh
Your nan
So I saw the police. I yelled dumper get into the fucking yumper!
so i was asleep and woke up and went to work my wife left already to her job i was driving my car and ran over someone i woke up in my bed realized it was all a dream 20 minutes later i got a phone call the my wife got hit bye a car
I was invited into a celebrity's house, thats what i told the cops at least...
your hairline is so back when the police saw it they had to arrest you
Did you hear about the dyslexic wanna-be bank robber? He walked in and yelled "HANDS UP, THIS IS A MOTHER STICKING F##K UP! The lucky idiot got away because nobody could stop laughing!
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb.
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?
*trigger alert* why did the racist cop shut down the space brothel because there were too many black holes.
There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.
A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police. She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?” The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?” The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”
1,2 I have a gun 3,4 I am in a school 5,6 Everyone on the ground
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun? special force’s
What did the police say on the tv during 9/11... Call 911
Woman gets pulled over by a cop Cop: ma'am have you been drink Lady: no officer Cop: what's that in your cup then ma'am Lady: just water officer Cop: looks like wine to me Lady: oh my god Jesus did it again
What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you? “Cmon, did ya really think I’d resist a-rest?”
