Police Jokes

What’s the difference between white people and Black people?

One runs from the police, one runs for the police.

When the police caught him stealing the batteries, he got immediately charged!

Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.

She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."

COP: Are you high?

ME: If I was high, could I do this? *walks in a perfectly straight line*

COP: Wth he just walked off a cliff.

I only kidnapped orphans because they have no parents to report them missing.

Yaaaass

A car is flipped on its roof at an intersection. A road sign next to it says "THANK YOU for driving carefully." A police car with flashing lights is in the background.

What’s the difference between 911 and an abortion?

With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.

"Mum, I just won this phone in a race!"

"Who was in the race?"

"The owner of the phone. And the police. I think they're at the door to congratulate me!"

Friend: How dark IS your humor?

Me: It started an organization against cops.

The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.

I am an actual police officer (Not gonna mention with which department in case they actually check this site) and tbh I find these jokes funny as fuck, carry on boys.

A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.

A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.

The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"

I saw a Cuban prisoner. I asked, "Why are you running from the cops?" He said, "I'M FREE AT LAST!"

Did you hear about the dyslexic American police officer?

He shot a Ginger.

What do you get when you cross a bisexual male that is a catholic priest and a christian police officer that is a bisexual male and a born again homophobic heteroflexable male that is a christian nationalist who is in the closet a gay man that needs to be force out of the closet by any means necessary?