Personal jokes
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza? Pizza won't cut itself.
What game does a suicidal person who is very bad at word or guessing games love?
Hangman.
Kate: Can we have a threesome?
Trevor: Sure.
The lights go off and Trevor starts doing what he's supposed to be doing, and then he feels something going up his back end. He goes to punch the person behind him, but then he turns on the light, and it was Kate behind him, and he's been fucking the guy the whole time.
Alright class, the person who answers my next question gets to go home.
Then a guy throws a pencil. The teacher asks, "Who threw that pencil?" "I did, I get to go home."
Just to get things straight, I'm NOT, I repeat, NOT racist, but this joke goes out to all the people who talk about other people with darker skin than the other person.
Bully: Your skin is so black and ugly (for the 5th time).
Me: I'm so happy you love my skin color!
Bully: Ew, no I don't!
Me: Then why do you keep talking about it?
i would try so hard not to laugh if that person was next to me
What do you call a person?
A person.
A news headline read: "A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight."
He was in the infantry.
Fat person: "Hey, what's up?"
Friend: "Your blood pressure!"
Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.
How do you make a sad person jump?
A bridge.
What do you call an LGBTQ person getting grilled? LGBBQ.
How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.
Helen Keller is the kind of person to ask you what the time is.
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.
What do you call an autistic person playing a guitar?
Guarded.
Name one person who would take an orphan?
Michael Jackson, so they can play all night.
The only person I'd have a cooking lesson with is Hitler.
Kid: Hey, what’s black and sneaky!
Social studies teacher: Harriet Tubman.
What is a gay person’s favourite meal?
Willy con carne.