Personal jokes
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
What do you call a person with no arms?
Armless.
Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.
Why shouldn't you let a Chinese person play baseball?
'Cause they'll eat the bat!
A handicapped person and an orphan get into a fight. The orphan says, "At least I have two functional legs." The handicapped person says, "At least I have two functional parents."
I was driving a car and a fat person was crossing the street. When I swerved my car to miss her, I ran out of gas.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an emo bitch?
The Twin Towers hit the ground.
Ben 10 and a disabled person are the same, but no aliens for the disabled person.
Me: Knock, knock.
Other person: Who’s there?
Me: Atch.
Other person: Atch who?
Me: Bless you!
What do you call a disabled person that has no legs and likes being alone?
Leaving, walking.
What do you call a person with Down syndrome who graduated high school?
Impossible!
What is sex? You put a sex person in someone’s sex.
Why does the disabled person scrunch his toilet paper up? Because that’s the way he rolls.
What do you call a disabled person who deals drugs?
A wheel dealer.
Random person: Minecraft is actually more peaceful than real life.
Me: Well, screw life. Maybe if I light a fire on myself, I will go to Minecraft (my excuse for suicide).
Person 1: Stop making suicidal jokes!
Person 2: Okay, okay, I’ll cut it out.
Person 1: Really?
Person 2: They're not even that deep.
If a blind person can’t see, then do they sleep?
They’re the night watchers while people who see sleep.
True fact: Five out of six people think Russian roulette is safe.
(Russian roulette is a game where you put 1 bullet in a pistol that has 6 chambers; each person spins it and tries not to land on the bullet to find out if you got the bullet or not. You point the gun at yourself and pull the trigger.)
One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.
What's a dead person's favorite sentence?
"I made it."