Personal jokes
"What do you call a person who is afraid of Santa Claus?"
"Claustrophobic!"
What war did the black community win?
The Obama era. Only to lose to a smarter white person.
I’m always the first person in line at school for lunch.
I just cut everyone.
What do you call a gay person on fire?
LGBBQ
Another joke, I know they suck.
What is a depressed person's favorite joke? Their life.
When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"
When a person in a wheelchair says, "You've never taken a step in my shoes," and you say, "To be honest, you haven't either."
What do you call a person that is both Black and Hispanic and was born on Wednesday? Miérkoolaids.
Ever noticed that "lol" looks like a person drowning?
What do you call a Japanese person when their knees are cured?
"Happynese" (happy knees).
Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.
Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏
Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
What do you call an autistic person playing a guitar?
Guarded.
If a mentally challenged person shows up late,
Is it ok to call him tardy?
Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.
One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.
What do me and a blind person have in common after I look at Alfie's mum?
We're both blind.
Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.
What’s something you can say about a fat person, but not about strippers?
Those legs sure hold a lot of weight.
As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.
A man went to buy 5 undies, so he said, "Hi, 5 undies, please, 1 for each weekday." Then another man comes and said, "Hi, 7 undies please, 1 for each day, and they'll finish cleaning by Sunday." So the cashier said, "Now that's more like it!" And then another person said, "Hi, 12 undies please, wait, I'm gonna double check... January... fe"