Personal jokes

Three people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from, but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: "Local calls are free."

I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.

He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.

What do you call a down syndrome person that was hit by a car?

Mash potato.

There were three people on the third floor of a building. The first one took a bite of an apple, then said it was too hard, so he threw it out the window. The second person took a bite of a lemon. He said it was too sour, so he threw it out the window. The third guy was drunk. He took a bite of a grenade and thought it was too crunchy, so he threw it out the window.

Then one of them went downstairs. He saw a dog laying on the ground dead. The apple had hit the dog in the head. Then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap. It had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head. Next, there was an old guy laughing. I asked him why he was laughing. He said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up."

Hey, wanna hear a construction joke?

Other person: Yes.

Sorry, I'm still working on it! 😅

What do you call a black person eating chicken, watermelon, and drinking Kool-Aid?

Reality.

What do you call a person with Down syndrome in a bathtub?

Vegetable soup.

Why can't you kill a depressed person?

Because they are already dead inside.

What’s the difference between an Indian and Jewish person?

An Indian person is burnt after death.

People complain we are overpopulated.

Well, then if we committed suicide, then why do they be sad? It's one less person to think about. Why complain about it when in the end we become sad people?

Why is a sick person and California similar? They tend to burn up.

How do you help a constipated person?

You scare the shit out of them!

What do you do when a person with epilepsy gets seizures in the bathtub? Throw in some laundry.

Ninety percent of your beauty can be removed with a Kleenex.

Oh, were you talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.

Hold still, I am trying to imagine you with a personality.

Who is the only person time waits for? Nun.

Stop it! What if a blind person sa- oh wait, never mind, carry on.

I told the last person I slept with I was pregnant. He freaked the fuck out but calmed down after he realized it was April Fools'.

The look on my cousin's face was hilarious.

What does the suicidal person say on New Years?

"New year, no me."

How do you make a sad person jump?

A bridge.

Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person.

"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945.