Personal jokes
Why was the emo person dead inside?
Because I stole their insides.
It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.
You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?
When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...
...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)
When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.
What is a deaf person's favorite game?
Charades.
Dumb person: Wat idk mean?
Person 1: I don’t know.
Dumb one: Oh u don’t know okie I ask Googol.
Person 1: Wait idk means--
Dumb one (to Googol): WAT DOS IDK MANNN?
Googol: I don’t know.
Dumb one: OH ME GOOOD EVEN GOGLO DOESYN KNOWWW
Memes
I asked a person in a wheelchair if they wanted to fight. All I had to do is say, "Stand up!"
What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay person...
It don't moan when u put milk inside.
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.
I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?
Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?
What does a person eat before a race?
Answer: They fast.
What do you call a person with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you told them twice.
What do you say to a person who got his whole left side cut off? "Are you all right?!"
Q: What kind of person has 100% ambition and never gives up if someone gets in their way?
A: A rapist.
Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?
Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.
|| 20 YEARS LATER ||
Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?
Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.
Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.
Person 1: “You assume I’m gay because I have rainbow hair, I’m wearing a rainbow shirt, and I have a rainbow pride flag behind me?”
Person 2: “You assume I’m disabled because I have deformed arms and limbs, no legs, and I ride around in a wheelchair?”
What was Jesus' reaction when the first black person was born?
"Holy shit, I burnt one."
Me: *listening to music under a tree and smiling*
Random person who sees me: Awwww look at him, he looks so so happy ^w^
Me: *actually listening to depressing music that makes me wanna kill and end myself but just smiles to show that everything's gonna be fine even if it won't*
You: Knock knock. Other person: Who is there? You: Not your parents.
A skinny black person named "Treyvon Robinson" joins a pickup basketball game at the local court, trash-talking about his "superior athletic genes" while munching on a stolen bag of Skittles. The ref blows the whistle for a foul, and he argues, "That ain't fair, I'm just naturally dominant!"
But the team's coach, a burly black dude who's been eyeing him all game, grabs him by the jersey, blindfolds him with a sweaty headband, slathers lube from his gym bag all over, and pile-drives his ass courtside in a twisted BDSM slam dunk, yelling, "Now taste the rainbow, punk!"
What's the difference between Jesus and a gay person?
One created the rainbow, the other one ruined it.