Personal jokes

What do you call a person with 2 black eyes?

Nothing, you told them twice.

They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.

I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.

I asked a person in a wheelchair if they wanted to fight. All I had to do is say, "Stand up!"

The best way to tell a Hindu person and a Muslim person apart is asking them, "Are you 7-Eleven or 9/11?"

What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay person...

It don't moan when u put milk inside.

What is a deaf person's favorite game?

Charades.

Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?

Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?

Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?

Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.

|| 20 YEARS LATER ||

Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?

Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.

Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.

What was Jesus' reaction when the first black person was born?

"Holy shit, I burnt one."

Me: *listening to music under a tree and smiling*

Random person who sees me: Awwww look at him, he looks so so happy ^w^

Me: *actually listening to depressing music that makes me wanna kill and end myself but just smiles to show that everything's gonna be fine even if it won't*

You: Knock knock. Other person: Who is there? You: Not your parents.

Sometimes a depressed person is antidepression.

What is the difference between a gay person and a refrigerator?

The refrigerator doesn’t start moaning and groaning when you try to put the meat in.

What's the difference between Jesus and a gay person?

One created the rainbow, the other one ruined it.

There was a person inside who needed help from the police, but the police changed their number, so he ordered a party with pizzas from 2 airplanes, but the pilots were stupid, so they put people instead of pizzas, and one landed on the 93rd floor and the 94th floor, literally.

What is a kind thing to say to someone and what is a rude thing to say to someone?

Kind thing to say to someone: You are the most perfect you there is. Your outlook on life is amaz- (BLAH, BLAH, BLAH ENOUGH!)

Rudist thing to say too someone: You more uglyer than my mama's boyfriend. You are a son of a b word! Okay that is so much rude and why you can say that to a tree but anyway not the point. Bonus: The world's most weirdest name to say to a girl, is Nutter butter, we know that's a weird *and* stupid name because she is not nutter or butter she is a person not a thing! Oh well bye!!!!

A teacher asked a class who killed Goliath. The first pupil said he wasn’t the one. The second said he doesn’t know. No one knew in the class.

The teacher got furious and dashed to the Head Master’s office to report. Immediately, the head master followed him back to the class with a cane. He growled- “If no one tells me who killed Goliath in this class, you will see fire!” Everyone in the class insisted on the fact that it wasn’t them.

Then the Head master looked at the teacher and said- “Mr. Dapo, are you sure that the person who killed Goliath is in this class?” The teacher fainted.

Person 1: “You assume I’m gay because I have rainbow hair, I’m wearing a rainbow shirt, and I have a rainbow pride flag behind me?”

Person 2: “You assume I’m disabled because I have deformed arms and limbs, no legs, and I ride around in a wheelchair?”

I saw a disabled person in the super market. They were at the vegetable aisle.