Personal jokes
What does the suicidal person say on New Years?
"New year, no me."
The teacher says to do your homework. I do. My friends do. One person never does any of his homework.
Eventually, we had to have fun. He said he didn't do it. WOW what did he do? I like to think he got smacked and nearly committed suicide.
What do you call a person with no eyebrows?
Ms. Burgos.
The only person I'd have a cooking lesson with is Hitler.
A man went to buy 5 undies, so he said, "Hi, 5 undies, please, 1 for each weekday." Then another man comes and said, "Hi, 7 undies please, 1 for each day, and they'll finish cleaning by Sunday." So the cashier said, "Now that's more like it!" And then another person said, "Hi, 12 undies please, wait, I'm gonna double check... January... fe"
My true hero is the person who killed Hitler.
What do you call a black person in a swimming pool?
Coco Pops.
Gay person to girl: What’s your favorite planet?
Girl: Penus-(penis)(venus), and what is yours?
Gay person: What else, it's Your Anus (Uranus)!😅
What does a depressed person say when they're happy?
"..."
1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.
2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.
3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.
4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.
5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.
7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.
8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.
10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?
11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.
12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.
What's the best comeback for a person calling you an orphan?
Kill their parents.
He was in a fight, then a person said, "Stand up for yourself!"
A 6-year-old told the class the first time she got AIDS. The teacher listened. She said she scraped her knee. The girl was sent to an asylum. When she got out, she was 20. She had AIDS.
When I throw a dodge ball at a person taller than me, it's always a nut shot.
What is a gay person's favorite fast food place?
Jack(off) in the Box.
Person 1: Wasn’t Stephen Hawking on X Factor?
Person 2: No, why would he be on X Factor?
Person 1: For dancing.
Why did the emo person cross the road?
TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE Haha.
Like if you meet someone emo.
What do you call a Black person going down a waterslide? Sewage.
My wife is the only person that has "missing" posters attached to her ass.