Personal jokes
Person 1: Somebody farted.
Person 2: No, all I can smell is your breath.
I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...
But now I don't know what to do with the letters.
A hand job from a deaf person counts as oral.
So, a bus crashes, killing everyone on the bus, and God feels so bad that He gives each one a wish.
The first person comes up, and she wants to be beautiful, so God makes her beautiful, and she goes into Heaven. The next person comes up, and he says, "I want to be beautiful as well." As this goes on, the last man in the back begins laughing a little, everyone becoming beautiful, until God asked the last person what they want, and he said, "I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again!" So God had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted.
What's a smart person's favorite candy? Nerds! :D
When a deaf person has sex, do they use one hand to moan?
When a deaf person is on trial, is it really considered a hearing?
What did God say when he created the first black person?
"Behold, this specimen of divine integrity!"
What do emos use as birth control?
Their personalities!
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza? Pizza won't cut itself.
How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb?
5 days. & I’m pretty proud of myself.
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?
Pizza won't cut itself.
If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"
Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"
What game does a suicidal person who is very bad at word or guessing games love?
Hangman.
What do you call a person with no arms and legs?
You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.
I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5.
...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.
I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.
What do you call a deaf person?
Whatever you want!
Helen Keller is the kind of person to ask you what the time is.