Personal jokes

When a deaf person is on trial, is it really considered a hearing?

What did God say when he created the first black person?

"Behold, this specimen of divine integrity!"

What do emos use as birth control?

Their personalities!

What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza? Pizza won't cut itself.

How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb?

5 days. & I’m pretty proud of myself.

What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?

Pizza won't cut itself.

If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"

Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"

What game does a suicidal person who is very bad at word or guessing games love?

Hangman.

What do you call a person with no arms and legs?

You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.

I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5.

...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.

What do you call a deaf person?

Whatever you want!

Helen Keller is the kind of person to ask you what the time is.

What's the similarities between Spiderman and a homeless person?

They both have no way home!

What should you never say to a Japanese person? "You're da bomb!"

I hate my life.

What do you call a blind person driving a car?

Died.

I was drinking a martini when a waitress yelled, "Do you know CPR?"

I replied, "I know the entire alphabet!" We all laughed and laughed, well, except one person.

What does a person eat before a race?

Answer: They fast.