Personal jokes
What did God say when he created the first black person?
"Behold, this specimen of divine integrity!"
What do emos use as birth control?
Their personalities!
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza? Pizza won't cut itself.
How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb?
5 days. & I’m pretty proud of myself.
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?
Pizza won't cut itself.
If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"
Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"
What game does a suicidal person who is very bad at word or guessing games love?
Hangman.
What do you call a person with no arms and legs?
You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.
I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5.
...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.
I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.
What do you call a deaf person?
Whatever you want!
Helen Keller is the kind of person to ask you what the time is.
What's the similarities between Spiderman and a homeless person?
They both have no way home!
What should you never say to a Japanese person? "You're da bomb!"
I hate my life.
What do you call a blind person driving a car?
Died.
I was drinking a martini when a waitress yelled, "Do you know CPR?"
I replied, "I know the entire alphabet!" We all laughed and laughed, well, except one person.
What does a person eat before a race?
Answer: They fast.
What is the difference between an orphan and a homeless person? Nothing, haha.